Meme questions answered!!

Okay I will take the HONOR of being last!! Here goes!

1. I am secretly a cowgirl, I have the hats, the boots, and I LOVE country music. I have raised horses(in fact I even drove my little baby paint horse in the backseat of my Toyota Tercel from Oakley to Heber to the vet because she was too little to go in the trailer, she was like my dog for a long time, her mother died at birth so I spent every night with her in the barn sleeping), I have barrel raced, dream of being in the rodeo pretty much daily, have a burning desire to live on several acres and have every farm animal imaginable. When I lived in Oakley I had goats, horses, and a pot bellied pig named Harley that lived in my house and slept in my closet, 4 dogs and at least 7 cats on a good day. My how times have changed but this is still where I will end up some day!! MARK MY WORDS!

2. I have lived in two other states besides Utah, I lived on a dude ranch for a summer in Grand Teton Wyoming after moving out of my parents home at the age of 16. I also traveled across the country to live in Portland Maine when I was 20. I went with a "girlfriend" who informed me in approximately Nebraska that she had cheated on me at least 16 times. I just kept driving. This experience was life altering, I learned and grew so much after I "left that girlfriend". This is truly where I came into my own, on my own, it really can be life altering when you spend some MAJOR time alone.

3. I saw K 4 days before I met her on a night out in Salt Lake while I was visiting. I knew that i had to know her. I walked the block for her that night, I was by damned going to talk to her, I never found her. 4 days later she walked into a going away party that was being held for me at the "Paper(lame) Moon" (6 years ago today folks, Happy pre Anniversary, Anniversary, we now celebrate our commitment ceremony date as our anniversary.) It was so overwhelming, I got on a plane the next day and wrote a letter to her. Mind you I had talked to her for about an hour in a large group of people, there was just "something about her"------ Probably, the wet t shirt (no not really but damn she had me whooped) (the wet t shirt was a pre Becky thing)

4. I have extremely bad luck with wildlife, I have hit over 10 deer in my lifetime in my car, I have been chased by a moose (no one ever bothered to tell me they jump fences), petted a moose in the dark thinking it was a horse, had chipmunks mating on my chest in the middle of the night, been approached while on a phone by a porcupine (and I thought it was a dog, till I didn't think it was a dog and then I freaked).

5. I too was adopted and found my Birth mother Debbie in Michigan when I was 16 and spent the summer with her that year. Another life changing experience she and I are very similar but VERY different and we have not had the "best relationship". It was the one thing I needed in life to complete my puzzle. I just needed to understand me a bit better, however she is a major alcoholic and uses many prescription drugs. The best is when I told her I was gay--her response--"I knew I should have had an abortion". Oh some peoples mothers--To this day this experience has made me say thank you to my adoptive parents every single day and I have never looked back since!

6. I am a horrible passenger seat driver, K hates it I have a very hard time and I go into this weird little panic thing if I see brake lights in front of me. Sometimes I think Ky might divorce me over it. I am working on it though, if you want I can demonstrate sometime.

7. I have no cartilage in the end of my nose so you can push it to squish right up against my face. The strangest thing is ---Jack doesn't have any either. Cute he must have got that from me, its my sperm I just know it.

8. Recently, I have started meditating while driving to the "Secret" meditation tape. My favorite is when it tells you that "it is not necessary to stay awake for this meditation" I laugh I stay awake but want to take it all in subconsciously and when I go to sleep I go WAY to sleep. Ky thinks I am too weird! P.S I just read this to Kyla and she informed me that I can't meditate while driving but I will tell you right now I have it down to a science!

Incarceration on a daily basis

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take - but by the moments that take our breath away."

So many of you probably don't know this but I spend 5 days a week incarcerated. That drinking and driving and crack smoking has finally caught up with me. No.... not really I actually work in the local jail as a Substance Abuse Treatment Provider. I work in a unit of 64 men or 32 women on a daily basis. I work directly in their housing units, that's right most the time they pee and shower right there in front of me. I think I have the greatest job ever, my friends mostly think I am nuts. I have worked in this field for over 11 years left for about 1.5 years to try something new and couldn't stay away. A definite chain of events today has led me to write this blog. First, I work with a coworker who is intensely cynical and burned out, I had a new intern start today, and I received a call from 2 different people whom had been in my program over 4 years ago and recently one of my "inmates" died....... I couldn't help but think all day today just how lucky and grateful I am to have the gift of work that I do everyday. Not often do we get to "give it away" hope is what I am talking about..... Not often do we get blessed with the job of simply instilling hope in individuals who have lost it. Hope is an amazing thing I watch it fall into souls everyday and as quickly as they find it, it can be lost. Currently, I work with men who have committed crimes as simple as Driving on a suspended license to career criminals and everything in between. They don't all get out of the program and become successful individuals, and that is not what it is about for me.... What life is really about is potential, to see someone who has felt like they could never succeed, endure and entire paradigm shift and have the opportunity to be successful is amazing. To watch self esteem and hope walk up and tap "grown men" on the shoulder is a gift. I mostly wanted to put it out there today that I am so grateful!!

I 2 different phone calls today from two different women that I have worked with in the past 4 years. They both lived a life of severe drug addiction and crime and were able to gain the tools necessary to be successful.... There is nothing like that call the "Hi Becky, this is so and so and I just needed to tell you THANK YOU, I am a new mom, or I am a grandma" I will keep in touch!! That's worth it..... So my coworker is as mentioned earlier the most cynical person I have met I am sure it is based on burnout.. Sad I hate that!!! If I am ever at that point with my job "SOMEBODY MAKE ME STOP"

Well this has been a bit gushy, I don't know I had to say it.... Some aren't so lucky to love their job. I guess if I have to leave my kids everyday for 8 hours it is a good thing I have something that I feel this grateful for!!

What the hell??

Mingle² - Online Dating

R my blog was rated R for saying Gay (4X) Death (4X) and Hell (1X). I don't get it, but I am definitely R rated and proud of it. Shit at this rate I am probably XXX rated if thats what it is based on!

I am woman see me catch toss and dodge snakes then hear me scream oh and then roar!

I only wish that i would have taken pictures but here is the story!!

So it is neighborhood cleanup in our area, a couple of my friends came over on Monday to help me get some things pulled together in the yard. I was drowning in our yard. Let me just preface this with, when we bought this house it was the middle of winter and we had NO idea what was waiting for us under the snow. To our surprise we have the most amazing yard, well I am sure it is amazing if you have approximately 10 hours a day to spend in it, weeding, shaping and trimming. Me and my family we are lucky to have an hour a week to spend and now with K down for the count I was freakin. Anyways, back to the story!!
So on Monday we began cleaning the yard and Mitchy got this bright idea that we were going to not only begin whipping the yard into shape but clean and refill my pond in the front yard. Okay seriously it wasn't really a pond anymore, it was more like a mossy pit with one large goldfish in it. I talk about it and giggle, last year we had 5 goldfish in it and that is when we realized we had the topic of this discussion SNAKES. The snakes were pulling the fish out of the pond and then not able to digest them so I would weed and find my sweet little fish carcases. So, when we cleaned (I don't mean cleaned we drained and wet dry vacuumed the sucker out) we lost some of the little feeder pond fish that had miraculously appeared in there after putting a lily in (this is going to come in another post titled "fish through immaculate conception". ) Today when I came home I looked into my crystal clear pond and noticed this snake at the bottom snapping at the fish every chance he got, he almost got him several times ( my philosophy is that now he could see it). I decided to put in a call for help, I called Mitch and organized a search and rescue task force to get the freakin snakes out. This is where it gets good, so we successfully determine there are 2 snakes that we have to get OUT. We gather supplies to include but not limited to a fish net, bucket, gloves, shovel, pole, and stick. I have no idea exactly how these will come into play but when you are snake hunting you never know.

Let me set the scene: Mitch on one side me on the opposite side of the pond. May I remind you, Mitch is the most not gay looking gay man on the planet. Mitch is armed with the net and there I stand gloved up and ready to go. I am a slightly girlie lesbian who would like to think she wasn't afraid of much. So we begin with shall we call him snake "A" he sees us and hides for a while and eventually he creeps out of the rock I jump for him grab him with the gloved hand and let out my infamous girl scream and lose him. He squirrels himself around and I manage to get my hands on him again, there the scream comes, I think it is my adrenaline releasing so I don't explode at least that's how Mitch explains it. Finally after the third try I get him in my hands and have a grasp that is pretty good on him. But no I don't hold him and I never have I proceed to launch him across the yard like a frisbee (please know it is not animal cruelty) it is a uncontrolled reaction to holding the creepy thing. So Mitch and I dance around like two crazy people and finally he manages to get him in the net, get him in the bag and deliver him to his nice new home in a field about 5 miles away (hopefully he isn't like a cat and has that eerie sense of finding his way home). So then we have Snake "B" after several unsuccessful sightings Mitch decides that he thinks he can convince him to go directly into the net in the water. Surprisingly on about the 3rd try the little bugger swims half way in and an overzealous not so gay looking gay Mitch decides to whip the net out of the water, but instead of the snake going as planned into the net he flings it across the pond directly at me. I try with my all to catch it but as some of you may know I try to be athletic to no avail. so I miss we do alot of dancing and diving and squirming around and finally finally catch him and release him with Snake "A". So the snakes are safe, the fishy is safe and I survived too. Still I think in any other scene you would have seen the guy grabbing the snake, a lot less screaming and dancing, and I would have been giving him 5 when he was done. Instead it was the other way around I am woman hear me scream, catch, toss and dodge snakes and then hear me roar!!!

The story for the week (not for the weak stomach)

Friday night started off like most Fridays. I rushed home from work, threw the kids things together, ate dinner, let the dogs out, and showed up as usual 15 minutes late for the Arts Festival. K has been doing so well with the surgery, infact astounishingly well, I have been so proud of her and now I am feeling extremly grateful!! We spent sometime at the Festival with some amazing friends. K looked at me nearing the end of the evening and looked tired really tired, she said "honey I am done, I need to go". We packed up the kids and made it home. I thought she is probably dehydrated. She sat down and had 3 small sips of Crystal Light diluted with water. She immediatly began dry heaving and throwing up (not a lot in there to do that too). K went to bed immediatly thinking she was extremly overly exhausted. I checked on her several times over the next few hours and she seemed to be sleeping peacfully. I went to bed around 12:30 am things still seemed okay. ( This is where will insert the part of the story where J had wanted to lay down with her and fell fast asleep, the funny part, he had put on his sisters froofy yellow halter top shirt and refused to take it off, but I didn't want to wake him and figured he can just sleep with us tonight, its the weekend).

1:30 am is when the night change dramatically, I awoke to a bit of a ruckus in the room and Ky falling accross the bed in a panic screaming for help "Help me, I am fainting" I came out of bed like a flash of light turned all of the lights on. She was shaking a lot and hunched over the bed but almost unconcious, I kept saying are you okay, she would say "NO". I immediatly called Mitch who lives just up the road, I think he barely heard what I was saying but knew from the sound of my voice that he needed to be here immediatly. At this point I had gotten her onto the floor by the bed, I was shaking her, smacking her, yelling at her, begging her to talk to me. She became more and more unresponsive, more and more white, and more and more cold. I called 911.

The 911 operator was the best women I have ever spoken too. I can't imagine doing a job where everyone you speak with is completly panicked. "I need help, I have someone here who had Gastric Bypass 2 weeks ago and something is going terribly wrong" I look up at this point and there sits my little boy staring at me, yelling at his mother, yelling in the phone, shaking her and I was crying and VERY panicky" He keeps pointing and saying "Mommy down" I look at him and say "You sit there, please baby sit there" he sits and watches (this is still a bit haunting to me but it is what it is). I am taking directions from the operator put her hand here roll her here elevate her legs and it feels like an eternity, I always wondered if it could feel as long as people say it takes" I am running back and forth unlocking the doors, letting out the dogs. Thankfully at some point in these moments I hear my front door open. It was like a bit of warmth walked through the door at that point. Mitch had not been alone, he had 3 of my other friends over who all showed up like Knights in shining armor. I start handing out tasks to each of them so that i can give a history to the 911 person. Brett takes J out thank god, Jason goes out for the Ambulance and Mitch begins working on Ky, talking squeezing her hands. It was amazing, in the meantime I am begging the operator to get someone there, her breathing is becoming much different she is non responsive, completely, and I begin demanding an ETA, I don't hear sirens, not in the distance not anywhere, and proceed to ask if they were coming from Egypt. I was not nice, but I am sure that is normal and I did manage to apologize several times for being so rude, abrupt and upset.

Finally, they arrive 7 fire fighters, Ky in her underwear and thats right J running around the house in his yellow halter top with bows on it. He looked like Sinead O'Conner. They ask for a history and I gave the rundown. This is my partner of 6 years she had blah blah blah blah. My mouth is so dry from adrenaline at this point it feels like I just at a jar of Peanut Butter. They start working on her checking vitals and she is alive, I have to say I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen when they got here. They check everything she is healthy as a horse, blood pressure is good, pulse is great. K wakes up "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?" she is such a fighter she is ready to sit up. They ask "well we got this call, but you seem fine, do you need to go to the hospital?" K says "No I just need to go to bed" they say "okay well you might consider checking with the doctor, or going to the hospital, but it does not seem to be emergent enough to go by ambulance" REALLY, wait as the story progresses!!

They walk out of the house, probably shocked out there mind, a crazy partner calling in 2 lesbians raising there little boy as Sinead O'Conner. I can only imagine!!

After they leave we talk with K who has managed through her own adrenaline to appear slightly more normal. We ALL insist that she goes to the hospital and at this point my mother has flown down the highway after I made my friend call her. My poor mother who is the most amazing women is going to have a heart attack one day from my family emergencies, K and her health and all the other drama! My mother of course knows K very well and will have it no other way. So me, K, my mom and Brett fly to St. Marks hospital. K seems a bit in and out of it (I still don't know if that is because she was not feeling well or Bretts driving). We get a wheel chair and get her into the ER. Thank God there was no one else in the waiting room. They la di da check us in another patient she needs checked out la di da. IT all goes even more down hill from there. K begins dry heaving pretty heavily and starts passing out in the waiting room. I begin demanding she get a bed RIGHT NOW, the lovely nurse "Oh we don't have a bed, sorry" Then my mother "Well if you don't have a bed what do you want me to do lay her down right here" they got the message triaged her "after practically having to draw a picture for the girl explaining that no she has not had much to eat she can only eat 2 ounces at a time--- NO she did not have her Gall Bladder removed, NO she did not have Gall Bladder problems----GB on the top of her paper for her means GASTRIC BYPASS, you know the surgery where they eliminate your stomach to half the size, no lady I am not starving her JESUS!!

She passes out again in the triage and they STILL don't have a room, she says oh she probably needs a room DUH!!!!!!!! So they prepare a room, Brett is literally holding a passed out person in her chair. She gets to the room FINALLY, gets to the bed and again the nurse begins the whole la di da, he says "what has she eaten" I respond "2 ounces of refried beans at 5 o'clock and she sips at least 64 ounces of water throughout the day." He responds "well she should probably be eating more then that" Then the explanation AGAIN no she had Gastric Bypass, she cannot eat more and NO I am not starving her!"

This is where it gets worse............
K has to go to the bathroom, #2 she hasn't gone in a week, I think oh great maybe this is the whole problem. So my mom and I get her in there she goes, it doesn't seem right and this is wherre I will leave it. When she stands up there is ALOT of blood more blood then I have seen in one place ever, ever, ever. She does not make it back to the room she makes it to Brett and they go down together he held her in a bear hug. IT (the blood just kept happening) EVERYWHERE I mean EVERYWHERE!! I was the most panicked I have EVER been,(well K has scared me on many occasions, she is not good when she is not well, she is really NOT well). Immediatly the nursing team jumps into action, The nurse was amazing he was soooo amazing Luis, I hear her look at him and say Luis help me. They have IV's in her my mom goes in the room with her at this point I am worse for the situation then is good. I know when I can't handle it. My mom has GREAT mom training!! They decide after several hours to admit her. My sweet mother says "she is not leaving her side, I need to go home to the kids and she will be there to take care of her, and call with problems" "Even if I had told my mom to go, she wouldn't so this was a better idea, as really at this point a padded room for me would have been well deserved. I have never felt fear in my life like I felt. The doctor wants to monitor her blood loss over night and see if whatever is bleeding stops. Okay, I know they are doctors but after 2 of those episodes I am sure she has lost more blood then is humanly acceptable. I go home, I can't say I slept much a couple of hours. I was up at seven with a call from my mother, the bleeding was not ceasing and with the bleeding the uncounciousness got worse. She said that even the seven nurses that were in and out of the room were freaking out! I begin making calls, getting my kids cared for throughout the day. I have amazing FRIENDS, FAMILY and SUPPORT! Thank you ALL!! It is nearing 9 now all the troops are in order, and the call that I didn't want comes in. It has happened again, she is losing so much blood they MUST move her to the ICU. This is where my panic becomes reality, I need to have all of my Lawyers paperwork that we had done years ago that Lesbians have to have to be proven a couple, I have to prove to them that I can make medical decisions, visit her, have her kids if something tragic happens. I at this point begin thinking the worse, the sound of my moms calm but panicked voice trying so hard not to freak me out told me this> She was freaked, K was real freaked and I was REALLY FREAKED. I always knew I had a lot to lose but it all hit me at that moment, not because I thought I was going too (I won't say that this didn't cross my mind after what I had seen and heard from her). All of the lawyer paperwork was at her work in her filing cabinet (DUMB PLACE WHEN YOU NEED IT) (LOGICAL PLACE IF YOU ARE ANAL AND ORGANIZED, THATS MY K). I have a friend at work in 10 minutes doing a search and rescue on the Lawyer stuff. I decide it is a REALLY good time to take a ZANAX as my panic attack is not going to help anything. I get to the hospital meet with the Chaplain to hand over paperwork from the lawyer ( I must say this was not a skit I had practiced too many times in my life, not at this age, or this time and hopefully not ever again)

Anyways when I get to the hospital she has been rushed into Endoscopy, I guess after the doctor happened to be in on the last bleeding episode he realized this was in fact more urgent then he could imagine. He reports that he has found a tear and is working to repair it. They check the rest of her out. I don't know how a tear leaks that much but My God, they fixed it. She gets out of the lab, and begins blood transfusions she lost 1/3 of the blood in her body!! She looked the worst I have ever seen her!!

I can only visit her for a half hour every other hour, my friends kept me busy in the other moments. She is not only getting blood transfusions but also Plasma. On my third visit in to see her her nurse says oh dear she had a terrible allergic reaction to the antibodies in the plasma and she is all swelled up. OH MY GOD I walked in the room and she looks over and she cant even open her eyes, can it get any worse (the answer is yes) the thought is no! We BARELY get the ring (the one she blogged about finally being able to wear) off her finger before it became a part of her hand her lips were so swollen they would reach Texas and she has a rash on her body like a road map with cities, states, and counties! She has had 2 doses of Benadryl and is now so anxious and agitated she looks like a drug addict coming off a big high. It was so awful for her.


K is doing better today, I have seen her 3 times and each time she looks more and more alive. She is ready to come home, just like that huh, you cheat death, get a bit of blood and there you go alive and kicking again!! She came back out of the ICU this afternoon. She had a visit from friends and me and the kids. Her spirits are good, really good, again I tell you she is an outstanding person.

As for me, I spent the day feeling incredibly blessed, blessed that the love of my life is okay, that she is such a fighter, blessed that I have 2 of the most amazing children in the world, blessed that I have the most incredible, and amazing mother in the world, and blessed that I have a support system and friendships that some are not as lucky to have, from the friends that I have had for over ten years L, J, B, M, J, K, H, P,and C (you know who you are). You have guided me through this world a very long time and to a particular two couples S and M and K and J who have not been in our lives for long but feel like they have been around for years. I thank god for you all everyday!! I love you and thank you a million times!! I couldn't do it without you!

As for you K, I love you, more then life, quit scaring me, I need you around a long time. You continue to amaze me!!!

I will keep you all updated...... I am even more sure that K will have plenty to share about her own experience, even though she was the mostly unconscious one, thought I would get my part in first since she doesn't remember most of it!

I know but its summer man!!!

I know I am such a loser, I have not made blogging a priority things have been a bit crazy!! Even more importantly it is summer. I think I have decided that I am more of a seasonal blogger. K always posts all of the cool, exciting stuff we have going on. I will do a better job at it but honestly I would rather be outside!! This month alone has been crazy with Hawaii, True Colors concert (see surrounding pictures), K's surgery, Fathers Day, Indigo Girls (tomorrow), The Arts Festival this weekend and I am gearing up for a 2 day backpacking trip at the end of the month in Kanab with some friends (pending K's progress as she now is unable to go and I want her to be okay with the kids).

K deserves public acknowledgment from me about her progress, she is AMAZING!! I have never in my life met someone with the type of determination that she exhibits. I could have fallen on the floor yesterday when she was able to "Hike" a mile and a half after being released from the hospital on Wednesday. "Raise the roof"!! You are doing an incredible job, keep up the good work, you can find her journey at turtleandbutterfly.blogspot.com

To all my friends and fellow bloggers, thanks for checking my blog everyday, I will be better even if it does take until September!

Gearing up for the Islands-6 days and counting!

Wahoo, we are on the week count down for the trip to Hawaii. I am finally getting excited for the trip. I do let myself get a little down about it here and there because it is hard for me to be a sideline parent with the kids. K's parents are getting much better but I can see the pain in their faces when they have to tell the kids "go tell becky, I mean mom". However, we are going to have a great time. I tell you, I am going to make a little beer hut on the beach, or something of that nature and walk the block from the parents house and just hang out, relax, watch the kids play.

The even better and most exciting part is that K is finally going to be completing A's adoption. So really I have no right to have had bad feelings about going. The end result will be worth it!

Random Rant Tuesday--Wish I had it in me to be a stay at home mom

Okay so it has been a week and I have not even had a free second to post a blog....

Since it is random rant Tuesdays I decided to post something today!! So my babysitter gets in touch with K today to let her know that the kids are throwing up (they had shots yesterday)and that she needs us to come and get them. Which is fine, so she calls me in jail and I rush out like a crazy mom to go pick them up... I get there and they of course smell like vomit, I think oh that is wonderful!! I load my kids dressed in only their diapers into the van and drive home. We get home and hang around for a bit, I try juice (bad idea that projectiled) I try pepto (2nd bad idea that projectiled, oh from both kids at the same time). This is where it gets good, my phone rings its the babysitter. She is calling for I don't know what I can't even remember now because I am so incensed. Oh I think really she was calling to say the following so after a few moments of her blah blah blah she says, "Geez your kids have horrible immune systems""I have never seen kids react that way to shots or with such incredibly horrible immune systems". WTF?? So as my blood pressure rises and I feel that horrible defensiveness that we probably all get as mothers I say, "I don't think they have horrible immune systems, but they do have tender stomachs, it probably has something to do with the fact that they were both born early, blah blah blah" Shit, here I was trying to defend my kids being sick. Now I should say that I have exposed my kids to every germ imaginable and I really think that they have pretty good immune systems!! I should mention that K and I have had to take as much time off for her kid being sick as we have for anything else. Anyways, I don't really know where I was going with this blog except I had to vent. My babysitter is a wee bit insensitive and I have a tendency to be a bit sensitive so the two may not go together well, especially when I am following my kids around the house as they projectile vomit!! So these are the days I wish I had it in me to be a stay at home mama.

So as I am handling all of this K calls from work in the middle of both kids throwing up, I have to say she is really the most wonderful because no sooner did I get off the phone with her she (12 minutes later) is walking in the door, it felt a bit like ghost busters as she walks in and practically puts her gloves on and goes into action. I love her so much, I don't have any freakin idea how mothers ever do it alone!! I can't even fathom my life without her in it, and it is unfortunate that it takes moments like that to remember that!!

So as the night progresses, poor J threw up in his entire drawer of cars(you all know how much he LOVES his cars), K and I had a car wash and sanitize in the bathtub. Poor boy just finished recovering from the fact that his cars are in the drying cycle in the bathroom....

So this is tonight so far......

Mostly THANK GOD for wives and "F-off" to insensitive babysitters who have children of their own but have no tact.

Random Rant Tuesdays

(so it looks a little something like this!! I am serious a bit longer though)

I decided today that I would dedicate Tuesdays to Random Rants.

So..... I work with this woman, “she who will not be named” but I lovingly refer to her as Keebler, seriously she looks like a Keebler elf, she should be on the front of the cookie package. She has the pointy ears, the little curly faced smile and she comes to approximately my armpits (not to difficult being that I am tall). So she who will not be named—Keebler has a chin hair, I am enamored and engulfed by this chin hair. It has kept me up at night!! I am positive she has caught me studying it on numerous occasions. I feel my arm automatically reaching towards it daily. It is far from inconspicuous it stands near the passenger side of her chin. I kid you not this MOTHA is close to two inches long, gray and it curl like a pigs tail (like 4 times spiral). It is blatantly obvious so as I said, I have been kept up at night by this hair on her chin with the following questions:

Does she see it?? Does she look in the mirror? (it is gray and all) Her lighting might be horrible!
Does she curl it like that EVERY morning?
Does she have anyone in her life that loves her?? (I expect those in my life to tell me when I have a 2 inch wiley hair sprouting from my face)
Is she growing it for locks of love?
Does she use it to floss her teeth?
Does she keep it for emergencies if she has to sew a hole in her pants?
Is there a greater purpose or meaning to chin hair then I have ever been told??(if this is the case I can stop incessantly plucking my hair)
Can’t she feel it when she cleans her face, rubs her chin, brushes her teeth?
How long does it take to grow a specimen of that nature?
Is her intention to place beads on this hair as I have seen before?

Don’t get me wrong I understand that a lot of people get inconspicuous hairs that pop out of strange places where they shouldn’t be growing. I get them a lot, “K” has this awesome one that pops up on her neck of all places, and this other cool one on her wrist, but because I love her I am sure to watch for it and intervene before it becomes obvious to the general public. But for the love of God people pluck them. Don’t make me stand there and obsess about them (I am not the only one that does this right?); I mean really this that I am speaking of is NOT a normal hair. I have tried to give you a visual hope you get it!!

So as I mentioned EVERYDAY I have thought about pulling it or telling her but I think now it has become my new obsession. It has become a slight distraction for me from this mumbo jumbo of tedious grant writing, so for now I will let Wiley Gray Hairs Lie.


disclaimer: I definitely wrote this blog in the heat of the moment today and it (after hours of sitting across from Keebler in her office) it was funny, much funnier while I wrote it and a bit of a release!! Thanks for the rant! You too can join me for "Random Rant Tuesdays" it could be fun!

Gadunkadung

(The picture to the left is from December in my loveliest of my gadunkadung) (The beautiful girl next to me is our incredible niece, "A's" oldest sister)

The gadunkadung is the best way I can think of to refer to my "FAT" so that is what I will call it.

I guess I will start from the top, I have never been overly thin as a child I was never a size that I can ever remember being proud of (Although now I may cut off a needed limb to be any of those sizes again). Weight (the gadunkadung) has been a pretty constant struggle for my my entire life. So I mentioned in my last blog the "weight loss journey of a century" its true. I have done it before, this may not be the last ( I am hopeful though)! I have starved myself, binged, purged, taken laxatives, eaten cabbage soup, Hollywood diet, liquid diet, Atkins diet, 6 week body makeover, cleanses, Weight Watchers, exercised myself to the death. For what, well here I sit doing about the same thing again.

My current journey started back in the end of February. In the course of one week I went to a dermatologist for a rash on my face. He said "well you either have rosacea or lupus" hmm curious I left the office slightly freaked out and began research on lupus. The symptoms listed matched every thing I had been feeling recently unfortunately, they also matched every symptom of obesity. Arggg I decided I wasn't going to even start thinking about that until I did something about my weight. I then had a come to Jesus with my doc and was told that my blood pressure was high enough to cause some major problems up to and including death(I am sure my blood pressure could also be attributed to the events currently taking place within my family, to be discussed in a later blog) I began seeing a nutritionist and a doctor to help me start to figure things out. Weekly I also get what I lovingly refer to as the "Shot of God"(Vitamin B shots) we will talk more about those later. I tell you it has been unbelievable what I have learned about my body, and even bigger than that the way that I think.

My first appointment was in the beginning of March and I have been on a steady road since then. So.. every Monday I get to weigh in, I sometimes feel like I am lining up for a cattle drive weight, then the poking and the prodding. At any given moment there are 20 other ladies in the office doing the same thing, probably thinking similarly to me. As I have said this has not been instant my body likes the loving layer of FAT that I have so willingly offered it for so many years and it will not let go of the weight!! I in most areas of my life have a love for instant gratification, this my dear is far from instant. This week for example .5 lbs that right I did not say 5 lbs I said .5. That is after working out3-5 times a week, eating right (for the most part with the exception of a freakin brownie with goo), god shots, digestive enzymes, thyroid medicine, etc etc etc. I looked at the scale today and thought how in the HELL does someone work this hard for that. Patience my darling patience.

So that's the basics, my friends have heard it a million times, and this will not be the last blog about it I am sure. Its been incredible so far, I feel better then I have EVER felt before (I like to attribute that to the shots of god)

Mostly a quick thanks to "K" for her support through this journey. She spends a bit of time being a single mom while I am exercising and dealing with my gadunkadung! Thanks Baby!