Gearing up for the Islands-6 days and counting!

Wahoo, we are on the week count down for the trip to Hawaii. I am finally getting excited for the trip. I do let myself get a little down about it here and there because it is hard for me to be a sideline parent with the kids. K's parents are getting much better but I can see the pain in their faces when they have to tell the kids "go tell becky, I mean mom". However, we are going to have a great time. I tell you, I am going to make a little beer hut on the beach, or something of that nature and walk the block from the parents house and just hang out, relax, watch the kids play.

The even better and most exciting part is that K is finally going to be completing A's adoption. So really I have no right to have had bad feelings about going. The end result will be worth it!

Random Rant Tuesday--Wish I had it in me to be a stay at home mom

Okay so it has been a week and I have not even had a free second to post a blog....

Since it is random rant Tuesdays I decided to post something today!! So my babysitter gets in touch with K today to let her know that the kids are throwing up (they had shots yesterday)and that she needs us to come and get them. Which is fine, so she calls me in jail and I rush out like a crazy mom to go pick them up... I get there and they of course smell like vomit, I think oh that is wonderful!! I load my kids dressed in only their diapers into the van and drive home. We get home and hang around for a bit, I try juice (bad idea that projectiled) I try pepto (2nd bad idea that projectiled, oh from both kids at the same time). This is where it gets good, my phone rings its the babysitter. She is calling for I don't know what I can't even remember now because I am so incensed. Oh I think really she was calling to say the following so after a few moments of her blah blah blah she says, "Geez your kids have horrible immune systems""I have never seen kids react that way to shots or with such incredibly horrible immune systems". WTF?? So as my blood pressure rises and I feel that horrible defensiveness that we probably all get as mothers I say, "I don't think they have horrible immune systems, but they do have tender stomachs, it probably has something to do with the fact that they were both born early, blah blah blah" Shit, here I was trying to defend my kids being sick. Now I should say that I have exposed my kids to every germ imaginable and I really think that they have pretty good immune systems!! I should mention that K and I have had to take as much time off for her kid being sick as we have for anything else. Anyways, I don't really know where I was going with this blog except I had to vent. My babysitter is a wee bit insensitive and I have a tendency to be a bit sensitive so the two may not go together well, especially when I am following my kids around the house as they projectile vomit!! So these are the days I wish I had it in me to be a stay at home mama.

So as I am handling all of this K calls from work in the middle of both kids throwing up, I have to say she is really the most wonderful because no sooner did I get off the phone with her she (12 minutes later) is walking in the door, it felt a bit like ghost busters as she walks in and practically puts her gloves on and goes into action. I love her so much, I don't have any freakin idea how mothers ever do it alone!! I can't even fathom my life without her in it, and it is unfortunate that it takes moments like that to remember that!!

So as the night progresses, poor J threw up in his entire drawer of cars(you all know how much he LOVES his cars), K and I had a car wash and sanitize in the bathtub. Poor boy just finished recovering from the fact that his cars are in the drying cycle in the bathroom....

So this is tonight so far......

Mostly THANK GOD for wives and "F-off" to insensitive babysitters who have children of their own but have no tact.

Random Rant Tuesdays

(so it looks a little something like this!! I am serious a bit longer though)

I decided today that I would dedicate Tuesdays to Random Rants.

So..... I work with this woman, “she who will not be named” but I lovingly refer to her as Keebler, seriously she looks like a Keebler elf, she should be on the front of the cookie package. She has the pointy ears, the little curly faced smile and she comes to approximately my armpits (not to difficult being that I am tall). So she who will not be named—Keebler has a chin hair, I am enamored and engulfed by this chin hair. It has kept me up at night!! I am positive she has caught me studying it on numerous occasions. I feel my arm automatically reaching towards it daily. It is far from inconspicuous it stands near the passenger side of her chin. I kid you not this MOTHA is close to two inches long, gray and it curl like a pigs tail (like 4 times spiral). It is blatantly obvious so as I said, I have been kept up at night by this hair on her chin with the following questions:

Does she see it?? Does she look in the mirror? (it is gray and all) Her lighting might be horrible!
Does she curl it like that EVERY morning?
Does she have anyone in her life that loves her?? (I expect those in my life to tell me when I have a 2 inch wiley hair sprouting from my face)
Is she growing it for locks of love?
Does she use it to floss her teeth?
Does she keep it for emergencies if she has to sew a hole in her pants?
Is there a greater purpose or meaning to chin hair then I have ever been told??(if this is the case I can stop incessantly plucking my hair)
Can’t she feel it when she cleans her face, rubs her chin, brushes her teeth?
How long does it take to grow a specimen of that nature?
Is her intention to place beads on this hair as I have seen before?

Don’t get me wrong I understand that a lot of people get inconspicuous hairs that pop out of strange places where they shouldn’t be growing. I get them a lot, “K” has this awesome one that pops up on her neck of all places, and this other cool one on her wrist, but because I love her I am sure to watch for it and intervene before it becomes obvious to the general public. But for the love of God people pluck them. Don’t make me stand there and obsess about them (I am not the only one that does this right?); I mean really this that I am speaking of is NOT a normal hair. I have tried to give you a visual hope you get it!!

So as I mentioned EVERYDAY I have thought about pulling it or telling her but I think now it has become my new obsession. It has become a slight distraction for me from this mumbo jumbo of tedious grant writing, so for now I will let Wiley Gray Hairs Lie.


disclaimer: I definitely wrote this blog in the heat of the moment today and it (after hours of sitting across from Keebler in her office) it was funny, much funnier while I wrote it and a bit of a release!! Thanks for the rant! You too can join me for "Random Rant Tuesdays" it could be fun!

Gadunkadung

(The picture to the left is from December in my loveliest of my gadunkadung) (The beautiful girl next to me is our incredible niece, "A's" oldest sister)

The gadunkadung is the best way I can think of to refer to my "FAT" so that is what I will call it.

I guess I will start from the top, I have never been overly thin as a child I was never a size that I can ever remember being proud of (Although now I may cut off a needed limb to be any of those sizes again). Weight (the gadunkadung) has been a pretty constant struggle for my my entire life. So I mentioned in my last blog the "weight loss journey of a century" its true. I have done it before, this may not be the last ( I am hopeful though)! I have starved myself, binged, purged, taken laxatives, eaten cabbage soup, Hollywood diet, liquid diet, Atkins diet, 6 week body makeover, cleanses, Weight Watchers, exercised myself to the death. For what, well here I sit doing about the same thing again.

My current journey started back in the end of February. In the course of one week I went to a dermatologist for a rash on my face. He said "well you either have rosacea or lupus" hmm curious I left the office slightly freaked out and began research on lupus. The symptoms listed matched every thing I had been feeling recently unfortunately, they also matched every symptom of obesity. Arggg I decided I wasn't going to even start thinking about that until I did something about my weight. I then had a come to Jesus with my doc and was told that my blood pressure was high enough to cause some major problems up to and including death(I am sure my blood pressure could also be attributed to the events currently taking place within my family, to be discussed in a later blog) I began seeing a nutritionist and a doctor to help me start to figure things out. Weekly I also get what I lovingly refer to as the "Shot of God"(Vitamin B shots) we will talk more about those later. I tell you it has been unbelievable what I have learned about my body, and even bigger than that the way that I think.

My first appointment was in the beginning of March and I have been on a steady road since then. So.. every Monday I get to weigh in, I sometimes feel like I am lining up for a cattle drive weight, then the poking and the prodding. At any given moment there are 20 other ladies in the office doing the same thing, probably thinking similarly to me. As I have said this has not been instant my body likes the loving layer of FAT that I have so willingly offered it for so many years and it will not let go of the weight!! I in most areas of my life have a love for instant gratification, this my dear is far from instant. This week for example .5 lbs that right I did not say 5 lbs I said .5. That is after working out3-5 times a week, eating right (for the most part with the exception of a freakin brownie with goo), god shots, digestive enzymes, thyroid medicine, etc etc etc. I looked at the scale today and thought how in the HELL does someone work this hard for that. Patience my darling patience.

So that's the basics, my friends have heard it a million times, and this will not be the last blog about it I am sure. Its been incredible so far, I feel better then I have EVER felt before (I like to attribute that to the shots of god)

Mostly a quick thanks to "K" for her support through this journey. She spends a bit of time being a single mom while I am exercising and dealing with my gadunkadung! Thanks Baby!

It is hard to decide where to begin.....

"K" has been posting for a bit on her blog. I have been intrigued by this process and decided today that it was time I started sharing my life somewhere. I have never done well at writing in a journal. "K" asked me what I planned to share on my blog and I said everything and that is where Kaleidoscope comes from. My life is a Kaleidoscope, the colors, view, perspectives, and angles change on a daily basis.

A brief synopsis of my as follows: I am a 27 year old Lesbian "non biological" mother to 2 soon to be 3 beautiful children. I work in a correctional facility with criminal substance abuser, I am currently on the weight-loss journey of the century, and am preparing to go back to school.

When I look over the 3 line synopsis of me, I begin to see the Kaleidoscope that I have to share. I struggle with wanting to talk about it all at once say it all in a post. I realize now that is not possible and it is going to take a very long time to discuss this many layers of me. I will begin sharing after I rest my head a while, and sort things out a bit. For now one giant leap, the blogging has begun.....