Thanks to the big guy above!

Took the kids swimming today, which is always fun, but a lot of stress to make sure you keep your eyes on them at all moments. Today was one of those days that I was glad that every part of my being was focused on the littles. A was jumping off the diving board with the tube around her.... I looked away for not more than 5 seconds turned back and could see her across the pool flailing in the water, it took me a second to realize what was happening that the tube was across the deep end and not around her. I dove in and got her, she was out of breath. The problem with that girl is that she ZERO fear, she thinks she can swim and can't and is reckless abandon. Today was a day I was glad to have what felt like a sixth sense as a mom, it was almost as if I knew something was wrong before it all clicked in. In addition, thanks to the guardian angel who tapped my shoulder and made me look when I did. Also, we will be doing swimming lessons this summer.... This is the second time this year A has almost drowned, no more water till swimming lessons, she can be as fearless as she wants to but somehow that kid is going to have to learn that there has to be some consequential thinking in her brain!! God Love HER!!



Are you kidding me.... Today was the day, the first day of school all the way through college for these little ones!! I wonder if it is that hard every year or mostly just kindergarten?? It was hard... Real hard, harder on me than it was on them. Tonight we came home and sat around the dinner table. I make the kids tell me three good or bad things that happened to them each day..... A shared that it really hurt her feelings today when 2 of the kids told her that her lunch was gross... Immediately I felt the mama bear feeling, like who the hell are these kids and they are eating free and reduced lunch and at least she has mothers who pack her lunch for her.... Argggghhh who raises these little hoodlums to be so dang disrespectful... But my boy looks at her and says "well that was CERTAINLY rude Alyssa" God love them both!!! It is in these moments that you realize as a mom how protective you are and that you have just released them into that big bad world. How do we teach them to stand up for themselves and that backhanding is not acceptable?? J informed me that he has one friend and that is all he needed "Mac" and then proceeded to tell me that his Nana said to him a few weeks back.... "the older you get the more friends you will have". He looks at me and says... "so mom I am not to worried about having only one friend". Alyssa on the other hand the social butterfly she is already was able to list off 20 kids in her class by first name.... And especially the two that were mean to her and that they would not be "allowed" to be her friend. WE talked about that one! So many lessons, and one statement rings true.... "All I ever really needed to know I learned in kindergarten" I think it might be right!! Now if their mom can let them fight their own battles and support them through their pain and tears and happiness and joy..... Then we will be good!!

Today I can say, I sort of wish time could stand still.... Just for a minute!! LOVING every minute of it!


Way better than papers!

So I should be writing three papers for grad school right this second.... Procrastination at its finest!!! I started school last week and love it. I know I am right where I am supposed to be. I am also on an 8 day countdown to some very big very great news in the career realm..... Counting down the days trust me!

Last week we had back to school night for the littles, who are starting Kindergarten. I can't imagine that just a little over six years ago I was dreaming of the day that I would have a baby, let alone have a kindergartner or two for that matter. A good friend and I were talking the other day about the fact that when they said kids, they didn't mention this part. The part where they are not a succinct little fun package that you carry on your hip and dress up really cute. They actually develop into little humans, with personality, attitude, and mouths. Even better they develop into little humans that have goals, dreams, and aspirations. J walked out of his room the other day dressed in his doctor scrubs and went into an entire disertation about how he was going to be a doctor and would I let him, even if he was still a little doctor come to work with me and help the guys I help? Uhhhh, could you die? Alyssa, is dying to play soccer and according to the other mother actually full fledged kicked a soccer ball sitting stationary on the shelf. How exciting to move ahead in the lives of these littles and watch them dream, grow, explore and discover.

It is hard sometimes, I hope in the fifty percent of their lives that I get to spend with them I can show them everything they ever need to know from me that is.... I mean I know the other mom does an incredible job too! She and I are just different, I hope for them they have the chance to take both of our strengths and have the opportunity to be very successful. Exciting times are ahead this I am sure of!!! This will be a first for them to be seperated as we have chosen to put them in different classes in Kindergarten. A who depends on J for so much of her support will finally have the opportunity to discover her own independence and consistency. J who has spent the good majority of his life protecting his amazing big sister will finally have the chance to take a break for the little brother bully mentality he has lived for so long. It will be new pastures for both of them and it is my hope that they both thrive in their new environments.

Well I suppose I should get back to the papers I am procrastinating, somehow they haven't gone away.


2010...... here goes nothing!!

What an amazing year it has been and it really just keeps getting better. In the last 7 months, I have started 2 new programs within my organization, graduated with my undergraduate degree, and been accepted to the MSW program at the University of Utah. It has not been easy but it has definitely been worth it. My babies are doing so well and will be starting in all day kindergarten the same day I start Grad School.

I had an incredible amount of trepidation when applying and making the decision to enter grad school. I felt very strong about the fact that this was in fact going to take away from the kids and they have certainly been through enough loss. One of my Executives in my organization pulled me aside and said "what are you so afraid of?" "Becky Brown what would you do if you knew you could not fail." I explained my fears about taking away from my children and being a half time single mom and the impact that this would have on them. I will be working full + time going to school full + time and doing a practicum both years, I looked at him and said "how can this be fair to my kids?" He said to me "the years will pass anyways, and being the parent of teenagers as they get older I can promise you that they will only need you more."

So I stopped making excuses and started planning to apply for the program. To my surprise I was accepted. I will be starting the program in a couple of weeks, and have already started my first practicum.

On a more fun note, the kids and I have had a blast this summer, tons of traveling and time together. I have also been traveling a lot for work and that schedule continues. I ran another half marathon in the spring and hope to incorporate a few more into the coming months.

I am hoping to document more of the events and experiences I am having through the next couple of years!!

Learning to stand on my own two feet, be accountable, and really take a step back and reevaluate my life has been nothing short of a miracle over the last year. Everything looks different but that has not come easily or without a lot of work! Here's to another chapter closing and new ones opening!!


Missing Pieces

Wow it has been a while since blogging, but it is looking like I need to get back at it. I miss going back and reading stories about my babies, my life, my job. In fact my life is so crazy sometimes I can't remember last week. A lot has changed in my life over the last two years and more in the last six months than I ever thought possible. Instead of swimming around in the MUCK of it all I think it is best that we just move forward from here. So here's to a new year, new discovery, and progress!!