........ and then it was gone

Specifically related to my last post FEAR. Okay well maybe not all the way but getting there. I had the most amazing experience last Saturday and was invited by some amazing friends to an Indian Sweat lodge. I can't really describe it in words in fact the experience is not one that can really be verbalized. However it was the most incredible thing I have done for myself in a long time. 4 hours of sweating, 4 hours of letting go, and 4 hours of rediscovery. I have walked through this week feeling extremely blessed for the experience, even more blessed to have amazing people in my life that bring more to my life then I ever thought possible. So.... an enormous thank you to those currently involved in "the journey" you know who you are and know that you hold an incredibly special place in my heart.

Speaking of incredible people... The kids and I were invited to attend a Valentines Day gathering with some friends. I say some friends but I would rather refer to them as some of the most amazing, inspiring and incredible mothers and friends I have had in my life. The kids enjoyed playing and running with the other 10 kids that are all within 2 years of their age. Watching them with free spirits enjoy life and enjoy the other kids. While they did that I engaged in a Wii fit tournament at which I was humbled by my incredibly athletic friends who can swing it, shake it, and jump it like nobodies business.

Also on Saturday we had some pictures done of the kids and I thanks to BS who was incredibly patient and did an amazing job!! Of which you can see above.... If you would like to see more of her work and more of our pictures (MOM) you can look at www.flickr.com/beckbeau.

I finally finished another class and school is rockin!

And the best news of the week is that I have started to plan my SUMMER!!!! YAY!! My new game in life is to try to incorporate and of the following into anything I am saying, makes the days go faster and puts a smile on my face. I have several runs scheduled, lots of camping trips, four wheeling, horseback riding, summer concerts, hiking, boating, and hopefully lots of play time with my amazing kids and friends!

FEAR

Life is strange..... It has been quite some time since the ENORMOUS change in my life!! I do pretty well for the most part!! I have amazing people around me and I consider myself very blessed for that. I have been experiencing some pretty amazing things. I do manage most of the time to put on a face of strength and walk with my head held high! I however realized last night as I was reeling in bed with an incredible migraine headache that I am still carrying so much fear... And fear is anxiety.. And anxiety creates complacency and stunts growth.. So I guess mostly I had to acknowledge my fears. I have been getting more and more headaches recently and I really think that might be why... I have to stop bottling all of that fear. It is not like I can even really put a finger on what my fears are exactly but more then anything it is the fear of the unknown, vulnerability, trusting, progress and maybe myself!

I use a story in my work sometimes to help people acknowledge the power of their fear and I am going to put it out here. I used to horseback ride ALOT and had an accident at one point off of the horse it wasn't really pretty. Anyways the old adage "real cowgirls get back on and keep riding" has always been one of my statements to live by. But at that moment in my life I was scared to death, a good friend looked at me and said.... "acknowledge your fear, and turn it into learning how to respect the powerfulness of the horse" in other words I had to at that young age of seventeen learn to acknowledge, accept and respect the power of (in that instance the horse). I use it in my work to teach my clients about respecting the power of addiction and acknowleging the fear but remembering that "courage is being scared to death but saddling up for the ride anyways"

Anyways, putting this out there more for myself and my own acknowledgment of fear in my life today...... So I guess for today there it is and moving forward, learning how to respect the power of life's journey!