What the hell??

Online Dating

Mingle2 - Online Dating

R my blog was rated R for saying Gay (4X) Death (4X) and Hell (1X). I don't get it, but I am definitely R rated and proud of it. Shit at this rate I am probably XXX rated if thats what it is based on!


I am woman see me catch toss and dodge snakes then hear me scream oh and then roar!

I only wish that i would have taken pictures but here is the story!!

So it is neighborhood cleanup in our area, a couple of my friends came over on Monday to help me get some things pulled together in the yard. I was drowning in our yard. Let me just preface this with, when we bought this house it was the middle of winter and we had NO idea what was waiting for us under the snow. To our surprise we have the most amazing yard, well I am sure it is amazing if you have approximately 10 hours a day to spend in it, weeding, shaping and trimming. Me and my family we are lucky to have an hour a week to spend and now with K down for the count I was freakin. Anyways, back to the story!!
So on Monday we began cleaning the yard and Mitchy got this bright idea that we were going to not only begin whipping the yard into shape but clean and refill my pond in the front yard. Okay seriously it wasn't really a pond anymore, it was more like a mossy pit with one large goldfish in it. I talk about it and giggle, last year we had 5 goldfish in it and that is when we realized we had the topic of this discussion SNAKES. The snakes were pulling the fish out of the pond and then not able to digest them so I would weed and find my sweet little fish carcases. So, when we cleaned (I don't mean cleaned we drained and wet dry vacuumed the sucker out) we lost some of the little feeder pond fish that had miraculously appeared in there after putting a lily in (this is going to come in another post titled "fish through immaculate conception". ) Today when I came home I looked into my crystal clear pond and noticed this snake at the bottom snapping at the fish every chance he got, he almost got him several times ( my philosophy is that now he could see it). I decided to put in a call for help, I called Mitch and organized a search and rescue task force to get the freakin snakes out. This is where it gets good, so we successfully determine there are 2 snakes that we have to get OUT. We gather supplies to include but not limited to a fish net, bucket, gloves, shovel, pole, and stick. I have no idea exactly how these will come into play but when you are snake hunting you never know.

Let me set the scene: Mitch on one side me on the opposite side of the pond. May I remind you, Mitch is the most not gay looking gay man on the planet. Mitch is armed with the net and there I stand gloved up and ready to go. I am a slightly girlie lesbian who would like to think she wasn't afraid of much. So we begin with shall we call him snake "A" he sees us and hides for a while and eventually he creeps out of the rock I jump for him grab him with the gloved hand and let out my infamous girl scream and lose him. He squirrels himself around and I manage to get my hands on him again, there the scream comes, I think it is my adrenaline releasing so I don't explode at least that's how Mitch explains it. Finally after the third try I get him in my hands and have a grasp that is pretty good on him. But no I don't hold him and I never have I proceed to launch him across the yard like a frisbee (please know it is not animal cruelty) it is a uncontrolled reaction to holding the creepy thing. So Mitch and I dance around like two crazy people and finally he manages to get him in the net, get him in the bag and deliver him to his nice new home in a field about 5 miles away (hopefully he isn't like a cat and has that eerie sense of finding his way home). So then we have Snake "B" after several unsuccessful sightings Mitch decides that he thinks he can convince him to go directly into the net in the water. Surprisingly on about the 3rd try the little bugger swims half way in and an overzealous not so gay looking gay Mitch decides to whip the net out of the water, but instead of the snake going as planned into the net he flings it across the pond directly at me. I try with my all to catch it but as some of you may know I try to be athletic to no avail. so I miss we do alot of dancing and diving and squirming around and finally finally catch him and release him with Snake "A". So the snakes are safe, the fishy is safe and I survived too. Still I think in any other scene you would have seen the guy grabbing the snake, a lot less screaming and dancing, and I would have been giving him 5 when he was done. Instead it was the other way around I am woman hear me scream, catch, toss and dodge snakes and then hear me roar!!!


The story for the week (not for the weak stomach)

Friday night started off like most Fridays. I rushed home from work, threw the kids things together, ate dinner, let the dogs out, and showed up as usual 15 minutes late for the Arts Festival. K has been doing so well with the surgery, infact astounishingly well, I have been so proud of her and now I am feeling extremly grateful!! We spent sometime at the Festival with some amazing friends. K looked at me nearing the end of the evening and looked tired really tired, she said "honey I am done, I need to go". We packed up the kids and made it home. I thought she is probably dehydrated. She sat down and had 3 small sips of Crystal Light diluted with water. She immediatly began dry heaving and throwing up (not a lot in there to do that too). K went to bed immediatly thinking she was extremly overly exhausted. I checked on her several times over the next few hours and she seemed to be sleeping peacfully. I went to bed around 12:30 am things still seemed okay. ( This is where will insert the part of the story where J had wanted to lay down with her and fell fast asleep, the funny part, he had put on his sisters froofy yellow halter top shirt and refused to take it off, but I didn't want to wake him and figured he can just sleep with us tonight, its the weekend).

1:30 am is when the night change dramatically, I awoke to a bit of a ruckus in the room and Ky falling accross the bed in a panic screaming for help "Help me, I am fainting" I came out of bed like a flash of light turned all of the lights on. She was shaking a lot and hunched over the bed but almost unconcious, I kept saying are you okay, she would say "NO". I immediatly called Mitch who lives just up the road, I think he barely heard what I was saying but knew from the sound of my voice that he needed to be here immediatly. At this point I had gotten her onto the floor by the bed, I was shaking her, smacking her, yelling at her, begging her to talk to me. She became more and more unresponsive, more and more white, and more and more cold. I called 911.

The 911 operator was the best women I have ever spoken too. I can't imagine doing a job where everyone you speak with is completly panicked. "I need help, I have someone here who had Gastric Bypass 2 weeks ago and something is going terribly wrong" I look up at this point and there sits my little boy staring at me, yelling at his mother, yelling in the phone, shaking her and I was crying and VERY panicky" He keeps pointing and saying "Mommy down" I look at him and say "You sit there, please baby sit there" he sits and watches (this is still a bit haunting to me but it is what it is). I am taking directions from the operator put her hand here roll her here elevate her legs and it feels like an eternity, I always wondered if it could feel as long as people say it takes" I am running back and forth unlocking the doors, letting out the dogs. Thankfully at some point in these moments I hear my front door open. It was like a bit of warmth walked through the door at that point. Mitch had not been alone, he had 3 of my other friends over who all showed up like Knights in shining armor. I start handing out tasks to each of them so that i can give a history to the 911 person. Brett takes J out thank god, Jason goes out for the Ambulance and Mitch begins working on Ky, talking squeezing her hands. It was amazing, in the meantime I am begging the operator to get someone there, her breathing is becoming much different she is non responsive, completely, and I begin demanding an ETA, I don't hear sirens, not in the distance not anywhere, and proceed to ask if they were coming from Egypt. I was not nice, but I am sure that is normal and I did manage to apologize several times for being so rude, abrupt and upset.

Finally, they arrive 7 fire fighters, Ky in her underwear and thats right J running around the house in his yellow halter top with bows on it. He looked like Sinead O'Conner. They ask for a history and I gave the rundown. This is my partner of 6 years she had blah blah blah blah. My mouth is so dry from adrenaline at this point it feels like I just at a jar of Peanut Butter. They start working on her checking vitals and she is alive, I have to say I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen when they got here. They check everything she is healthy as a horse, blood pressure is good, pulse is great. K wakes up "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?" she is such a fighter she is ready to sit up. They ask "well we got this call, but you seem fine, do you need to go to the hospital?" K says "No I just need to go to bed" they say "okay well you might consider checking with the doctor, or going to the hospital, but it does not seem to be emergent enough to go by ambulance" REALLY, wait as the story progresses!!

They walk out of the house, probably shocked out there mind, a crazy partner calling in 2 lesbians raising there little boy as Sinead O'Conner. I can only imagine!!

After they leave we talk with K who has managed through her own adrenaline to appear slightly more normal. We ALL insist that she goes to the hospital and at this point my mother has flown down the highway after I made my friend call her. My poor mother who is the most amazing women is going to have a heart attack one day from my family emergencies, K and her health and all the other drama! My mother of course knows K very well and will have it no other way. So me, K, my mom and Brett fly to St. Marks hospital. K seems a bit in and out of it (I still don't know if that is because she was not feeling well or Bretts driving). We get a wheel chair and get her into the ER. Thank God there was no one else in the waiting room. They la di da check us in another patient she needs checked out la di da. IT all goes even more down hill from there. K begins dry heaving pretty heavily and starts passing out in the waiting room. I begin demanding she get a bed RIGHT NOW, the lovely nurse "Oh we don't have a bed, sorry" Then my mother "Well if you don't have a bed what do you want me to do lay her down right here" they got the message triaged her "after practically having to draw a picture for the girl explaining that no she has not had much to eat she can only eat 2 ounces at a time--- NO she did not have her Gall Bladder removed, NO she did not have Gall Bladder problems----GB on the top of her paper for her means GASTRIC BYPASS, you know the surgery where they eliminate your stomach to half the size, no lady I am not starving her JESUS!!

She passes out again in the triage and they STILL don't have a room, she says oh she probably needs a room DUH!!!!!!!! So they prepare a room, Brett is literally holding a passed out person in her chair. She gets to the room FINALLY, gets to the bed and again the nurse begins the whole la di da, he says "what has she eaten" I respond "2 ounces of refried beans at 5 o'clock and she sips at least 64 ounces of water throughout the day." He responds "well she should probably be eating more then that" Then the explanation AGAIN no she had Gastric Bypass, she cannot eat more and NO I am not starving her!"

This is where it gets worse............
K has to go to the bathroom, #2 she hasn't gone in a week, I think oh great maybe this is the whole problem. So my mom and I get her in there she goes, it doesn't seem right and this is wherre I will leave it. When she stands up there is ALOT of blood more blood then I have seen in one place ever, ever, ever. She does not make it back to the room she makes it to Brett and they go down together he held her in a bear hug. IT (the blood just kept happening) EVERYWHERE I mean EVERYWHERE!! I was the most panicked I have EVER been,(well K has scared me on many occasions, she is not good when she is not well, she is really NOT well). Immediatly the nursing team jumps into action, The nurse was amazing he was soooo amazing Luis, I hear her look at him and say Luis help me. They have IV's in her my mom goes in the room with her at this point I am worse for the situation then is good. I know when I can't handle it. My mom has GREAT mom training!! They decide after several hours to admit her. My sweet mother says "she is not leaving her side, I need to go home to the kids and she will be there to take care of her, and call with problems" "Even if I had told my mom to go, she wouldn't so this was a better idea, as really at this point a padded room for me would have been well deserved. I have never felt fear in my life like I felt. The doctor wants to monitor her blood loss over night and see if whatever is bleeding stops. Okay, I know they are doctors but after 2 of those episodes I am sure she has lost more blood then is humanly acceptable. I go home, I can't say I slept much a couple of hours. I was up at seven with a call from my mother, the bleeding was not ceasing and with the bleeding the uncounciousness got worse. She said that even the seven nurses that were in and out of the room were freaking out! I begin making calls, getting my kids cared for throughout the day. I have amazing FRIENDS, FAMILY and SUPPORT! Thank you ALL!! It is nearing 9 now all the troops are in order, and the call that I didn't want comes in. It has happened again, she is losing so much blood they MUST move her to the ICU. This is where my panic becomes reality, I need to have all of my Lawyers paperwork that we had done years ago that Lesbians have to have to be proven a couple, I have to prove to them that I can make medical decisions, visit her, have her kids if something tragic happens. I at this point begin thinking the worse, the sound of my moms calm but panicked voice trying so hard not to freak me out told me this> She was freaked, K was real freaked and I was REALLY FREAKED. I always knew I had a lot to lose but it all hit me at that moment, not because I thought I was going too (I won't say that this didn't cross my mind after what I had seen and heard from her). All of the lawyer paperwork was at her work in her filing cabinet (DUMB PLACE WHEN YOU NEED IT) (LOGICAL PLACE IF YOU ARE ANAL AND ORGANIZED, THATS MY K). I have a friend at work in 10 minutes doing a search and rescue on the Lawyer stuff. I decide it is a REALLY good time to take a ZANAX as my panic attack is not going to help anything. I get to the hospital meet with the Chaplain to hand over paperwork from the lawyer ( I must say this was not a skit I had practiced too many times in my life, not at this age, or this time and hopefully not ever again)

Anyways when I get to the hospital she has been rushed into Endoscopy, I guess after the doctor happened to be in on the last bleeding episode he realized this was in fact more urgent then he could imagine. He reports that he has found a tear and is working to repair it. They check the rest of her out. I don't know how a tear leaks that much but My God, they fixed it. She gets out of the lab, and begins blood transfusions she lost 1/3 of the blood in her body!! She looked the worst I have ever seen her!!

I can only visit her for a half hour every other hour, my friends kept me busy in the other moments. She is not only getting blood transfusions but also Plasma. On my third visit in to see her her nurse says oh dear she had a terrible allergic reaction to the antibodies in the plasma and she is all swelled up. OH MY GOD I walked in the room and she looks over and she cant even open her eyes, can it get any worse (the answer is yes) the thought is no! We BARELY get the ring (the one she blogged about finally being able to wear) off her finger before it became a part of her hand her lips were so swollen they would reach Texas and she has a rash on her body like a road map with cities, states, and counties! She has had 2 doses of Benadryl and is now so anxious and agitated she looks like a drug addict coming off a big high. It was so awful for her.

K is doing better today, I have seen her 3 times and each time she looks more and more alive. She is ready to come home, just like that huh, you cheat death, get a bit of blood and there you go alive and kicking again!! She came back out of the ICU this afternoon. She had a visit from friends and me and the kids. Her spirits are good, really good, again I tell you she is an outstanding person.

As for me, I spent the day feeling incredibly blessed, blessed that the love of my life is okay, that she is such a fighter, blessed that I have 2 of the most amazing children in the world, blessed that I have the most incredible, and amazing mother in the world, and blessed that I have a support system and friendships that some are not as lucky to have, from the friends that I have had for over ten years L, J, B, M, J, K, H, P,and C (you know who you are). You have guided me through this world a very long time and to a particular two couples S and M and K and J who have not been in our lives for long but feel like they have been around for years. I thank god for you all everyday!! I love you and thank you a million times!! I couldn't do it without you!

As for you K, I love you, more then life, quit scaring me, I need you around a long time. You continue to amaze me!!!

I will keep you all updated...... I am even more sure that K will have plenty to share about her own experience, even though she was the mostly unconscious one, thought I would get my part in first since she doesn't remember most of it!


I know but its summer man!!!

I know I am such a loser, I have not made blogging a priority things have been a bit crazy!! Even more importantly it is summer. I think I have decided that I am more of a seasonal blogger. K always posts all of the cool, exciting stuff we have going on. I will do a better job at it but honestly I would rather be outside!! This month alone has been crazy with Hawaii, True Colors concert (see surrounding pictures), K's surgery, Fathers Day, Indigo Girls (tomorrow), The Arts Festival this weekend and I am gearing up for a 2 day backpacking trip at the end of the month in Kanab with some friends (pending K's progress as she now is unable to go and I want her to be okay with the kids).

K deserves public acknowledgment from me about her progress, she is AMAZING!! I have never in my life met someone with the type of determination that she exhibits. I could have fallen on the floor yesterday when she was able to "Hike" a mile and a half after being released from the hospital on Wednesday. "Raise the roof"!! You are doing an incredible job, keep up the good work, you can find her journey at turtleandbutterfly.blogspot.com

To all my friends and fellow bloggers, thanks for checking my blog everyday, I will be better even if it does take until September!