I am woman see me catch toss and dodge snakes then hear me scream oh and then roar!

I only wish that i would have taken pictures but here is the story!!

So it is neighborhood cleanup in our area, a couple of my friends came over on Monday to help me get some things pulled together in the yard. I was drowning in our yard. Let me just preface this with, when we bought this house it was the middle of winter and we had NO idea what was waiting for us under the snow. To our surprise we have the most amazing yard, well I am sure it is amazing if you have approximately 10 hours a day to spend in it, weeding, shaping and trimming. Me and my family we are lucky to have an hour a week to spend and now with K down for the count I was freakin. Anyways, back to the story!!
So on Monday we began cleaning the yard and Mitchy got this bright idea that we were going to not only begin whipping the yard into shape but clean and refill my pond in the front yard. Okay seriously it wasn't really a pond anymore, it was more like a mossy pit with one large goldfish in it. I talk about it and giggle, last year we had 5 goldfish in it and that is when we realized we had the topic of this discussion SNAKES. The snakes were pulling the fish out of the pond and then not able to digest them so I would weed and find my sweet little fish carcases. So, when we cleaned (I don't mean cleaned we drained and wet dry vacuumed the sucker out) we lost some of the little feeder pond fish that had miraculously appeared in there after putting a lily in (this is going to come in another post titled "fish through immaculate conception". ) Today when I came home I looked into my crystal clear pond and noticed this snake at the bottom snapping at the fish every chance he got, he almost got him several times ( my philosophy is that now he could see it). I decided to put in a call for help, I called Mitch and organized a search and rescue task force to get the freakin snakes out. This is where it gets good, so we successfully determine there are 2 snakes that we have to get OUT. We gather supplies to include but not limited to a fish net, bucket, gloves, shovel, pole, and stick. I have no idea exactly how these will come into play but when you are snake hunting you never know.

Let me set the scene: Mitch on one side me on the opposite side of the pond. May I remind you, Mitch is the most not gay looking gay man on the planet. Mitch is armed with the net and there I stand gloved up and ready to go. I am a slightly girlie lesbian who would like to think she wasn't afraid of much. So we begin with shall we call him snake "A" he sees us and hides for a while and eventually he creeps out of the rock I jump for him grab him with the gloved hand and let out my infamous girl scream and lose him. He squirrels himself around and I manage to get my hands on him again, there the scream comes, I think it is my adrenaline releasing so I don't explode at least that's how Mitch explains it. Finally after the third try I get him in my hands and have a grasp that is pretty good on him. But no I don't hold him and I never have I proceed to launch him across the yard like a frisbee (please know it is not animal cruelty) it is a uncontrolled reaction to holding the creepy thing. So Mitch and I dance around like two crazy people and finally he manages to get him in the net, get him in the bag and deliver him to his nice new home in a field about 5 miles away (hopefully he isn't like a cat and has that eerie sense of finding his way home). So then we have Snake "B" after several unsuccessful sightings Mitch decides that he thinks he can convince him to go directly into the net in the water. Surprisingly on about the 3rd try the little bugger swims half way in and an overzealous not so gay looking gay Mitch decides to whip the net out of the water, but instead of the snake going as planned into the net he flings it across the pond directly at me. I try with my all to catch it but as some of you may know I try to be athletic to no avail. so I miss we do alot of dancing and diving and squirming around and finally finally catch him and release him with Snake "A". So the snakes are safe, the fishy is safe and I survived too. Still I think in any other scene you would have seen the guy grabbing the snake, a lot less screaming and dancing, and I would have been giving him 5 when he was done. Instead it was the other way around I am woman hear me scream, catch, toss and dodge snakes and then hear me roar!!!