8.26.2007
Bro Update
I am very happy to report that things have been awesome with my bro and our visit! I may have prejudged and over reacted a bit. We enjoyed dinner with the family last night, a nice family brunch today and then Ky and I and the kids decided to go to Lagoon today with some friends so we kidnapped him and took him with us. It was such a pleasure to spend the day with him. HE is an amazing uncle to the kids, he gets very few chances to be with my babies and every moment we get to have him around is AWESOME. He is definitely a natural with the kids and it is special to watch them!! Ahhh sappy. Anyways, we will be sharing more about the weekend soon!!
8.23.2007
My Bro
(My bro and Jack on the left taken just over a year ago)
Disclaimer: Love my mom but GEEEEEZ lady are you for real, for real!
So, I got word today that my bro is coming home for a ten day visit. My brother is a Cobra Helicopter Pilot for the United States Marine Corps. He has been away for several years ( I have seen him on the occasional holiday etc) going through intensive training and flight schools. Apparently this will be our last visit before he is deployed (which makes me extremely nauseous and anxiety ridden on MANY levels, I hate the war, I hate our FUCKING President, but I love my Bro and I am so very proud of his accomplishments, so this inturn keeps me stuck) This visit will be interesting, well it is always interesting. My mother still has this weird infatuation with my brother and since he left any time he comes home my mother is convinced "this is the last time he will be home for a very long time, you have no idea what war or whatever will bring, drop everything." she monopolizes the majority of his time spent home with weird schedules and plans (in the first day he is here she has planned a brunch and dinner for him, which he doesn't even know about and would fall over and die if he did.) Besides that the thing that bugs me is that he is 26 years old and doesn't tell her no EVER. We have to practically go through Fort Knox to make plans with him or work around the weird plans she has thrown in the mix for him. Take for example that he is coming home to visit for ten days and my mom is absconding with him to Jackson Hole for 5 of the days. Sure we were invited (tentatively depending on him last minute), but who goes to Jackson Hole for 5 days over Labor Day weekend without having made reservations a year in advance. My mom however to accomplish this goal will pay thousands of dollars to ensure it happens..... Oh bug, I am not complaining but freak what happened to the time when siblings visit, the more I think of it I realize that my brother and I have struggled for so long to be close because we have never had the time to build our relationship without other things (ie my mom) getting in the way. I feel sad at times for my mother because I think this is her way of holding on to some weird fascination she has, of refusing to let go of her child but for CHRIST sakes I lived out of state for years granted I was not going to war, but whatever I never came home to HUGE cheers and infatuation. I came home to visit. Ky and I decided tonight that maybe we will try moving out of state, see if we can get some grand schemes when we come home. This is just my random rant for the day because I can't believe how irritating it is that I can't even call my own sibling and make plans with him because it might interfere with something my mom has planned for him. I can call but it is always like he practically has to say.... Well I might like to do that, (like go to Lagoon this weekend...)"If mom will let me."
8.14.2007
Academiaphobia
So...... the time has come, K is just getting ready to graduate school and it is now my turn to start AGAIN! I am freakin out or a more likely term having academiaphobia. I have been working in the field of "social services and substance abuse" for over 12 year now SHIT!! I have been working towards my degree for about ten of that. OBVIOUSLY I have taken some very large breaks, to you know be an irresponsible 20 year old, buy houses, have kids, adopt kids, and then as a family we decided it would not benefit our family if K and I both did school at the same time.
I have gotten comfortable, if you could have a degree for experience I would have it three times over, and the experience I have has continuously offered amazing career opportunities for me... Not enough career opportunities though, it really is all about that piece of paper and for me it is going to have to include a Masters Degree. I started school when I was 18 and for years worked towards my degree in Criminal Justice until one day I realized that to be punishing and punitive was not going to work for me, in addition to the fact that I had several crime scene investigation classes and criminology that took me to the crime labs where the decision was made that there was NO way in hell I could look at the morbid things I saw there every day. The thing that really set me off was the lower arm preserved in a jar of formaldehyde saved to compare fingerprints etc. at a crime scene, I still have not gotten over those Heebie Jeebies. So my major quickly changed (which ALWAYS adds time in school and since I have been working full time I have only gone to school part time, mostly because my social life is also important to me. Anyways I digress.
I will be starting school on August 28 to finish my Bachelors in Human Services and Management at the University of Phoenix. God it is soooo expensive but it will shorten the time that I have left to get my degree by about 9 years total if I include my Masters Degree in Professional Counseling and I justify it by the fact that in that 9 years I will miss a lot more time with my kids, and the $$ I will make after my Masters will far outweigh the cost.
It is a bit intimidating though, K is so amazing in school she has done online, she is almost a straight A student and she has done all of this with 2 wild kids. I admire her sticktuitiveness and only hope that my commitment can be half of what she has shown. The only thing I have going for me is that she is my wife and she is so supportive. I already give 110% to being a mother, wife, friend. I am hopeful that school will easily fall into my line of priorities!! I will just keep a positive attitude and remember that the years will pass regardless of if I am in school or not so I might as well keep my chin up!
I can't help but have those first day of school jitters it feels like elementary school. I will be going to school one night a week on Tuesdays from 6-10 pm and then have a study group at least one night a week. What if I forgot how to be smart? What if I forgot how to be interactive and social in a school setting? I doubt I did and I am sure it will all come together. I feel like I should get to go "back to school shopping (hey maybe I can use that angle on K :)).
Addendum: Now, I know some of you reading this (Twins and 2 Moms) have done full time school and raised kids and survived so I will follow your example and bust a move!!
I have gotten comfortable, if you could have a degree for experience I would have it three times over, and the experience I have has continuously offered amazing career opportunities for me... Not enough career opportunities though, it really is all about that piece of paper and for me it is going to have to include a Masters Degree. I started school when I was 18 and for years worked towards my degree in Criminal Justice until one day I realized that to be punishing and punitive was not going to work for me, in addition to the fact that I had several crime scene investigation classes and criminology that took me to the crime labs where the decision was made that there was NO way in hell I could look at the morbid things I saw there every day. The thing that really set me off was the lower arm preserved in a jar of formaldehyde saved to compare fingerprints etc. at a crime scene, I still have not gotten over those Heebie Jeebies. So my major quickly changed (which ALWAYS adds time in school and since I have been working full time I have only gone to school part time, mostly because my social life is also important to me. Anyways I digress.
I will be starting school on August 28 to finish my Bachelors in Human Services and Management at the University of Phoenix. God it is soooo expensive but it will shorten the time that I have left to get my degree by about 9 years total if I include my Masters Degree in Professional Counseling and I justify it by the fact that in that 9 years I will miss a lot more time with my kids, and the $$ I will make after my Masters will far outweigh the cost.
It is a bit intimidating though, K is so amazing in school she has done online, she is almost a straight A student and she has done all of this with 2 wild kids. I admire her sticktuitiveness and only hope that my commitment can be half of what she has shown. The only thing I have going for me is that she is my wife and she is so supportive. I already give 110% to being a mother, wife, friend. I am hopeful that school will easily fall into my line of priorities!! I will just keep a positive attitude and remember that the years will pass regardless of if I am in school or not so I might as well keep my chin up!
I can't help but have those first day of school jitters it feels like elementary school. I will be going to school one night a week on Tuesdays from 6-10 pm and then have a study group at least one night a week. What if I forgot how to be smart? What if I forgot how to be interactive and social in a school setting? I doubt I did and I am sure it will all come together. I feel like I should get to go "back to school shopping (hey maybe I can use that angle on K :)).
Addendum: Now, I know some of you reading this (Twins and 2 Moms) have done full time school and raised kids and survived so I will follow your example and bust a move!!
8.12.2007
8.05.2007
What a weekend!!
We had such fun this weekend.... The big gay campout!! You know it was our first time joining the group for this annual campout and we had a good time. It is always interesting though and a bit out of the ordinary for me to begin joining other groups. I have been a bit "stagnant" for a long time, I have been comfortable for a lot of years, we have had the "same" group of friends forever and this spring and summer we have had the enjoyment of having some very incredible people enter our lives... I had to realize something about myself this weekend, I easily get a bit uncomfortable, I feel out of sorts, I worry about what people think, and it bugs me!! My friends that have been around forever just know me, they know my quirks, and they love me for who I am. But.... I spent the weekend with a bunch of new people, with different qualities and quite a variety of personalities and I can't believe how much I found myself worrying if everyone was okay. It was great though there is no time like the present to come out of your comfort zone and have to do things a bit different. We really enjoyed getting to know people better and meeting new people.
The BGCO(big gay campout) held down in Dinosaur Land National Park was successful it seems. Minus a few "loud and slightly drunk" mishaps it was awesome. I was a bit concerned as we drove to Vernal, I had no idea what to expect I mean for me camping has always been in the mountains and dumb me thought Vernal would be mountainous since we were driving through Heber. I had NO idea we were going to end up in the desert. It was beautiful as we came in near the Green River.... I decided I MUST get out more! There was river rafting, fishing, swimming in the river, and some REBEL ROUSING!! K has all the pics I will let her post. For those of you who were there YOU ROCK and for those of you that weren't THERE IS NEXT YEAR!!
The BGCO(big gay campout) held down in Dinosaur Land National Park was successful it seems. Minus a few "loud and slightly drunk" mishaps it was awesome. I was a bit concerned as we drove to Vernal, I had no idea what to expect I mean for me camping has always been in the mountains and dumb me thought Vernal would be mountainous since we were driving through Heber. I had NO idea we were going to end up in the desert. It was beautiful as we came in near the Green River.... I decided I MUST get out more! There was river rafting, fishing, swimming in the river, and some REBEL ROUSING!! K has all the pics I will let her post. For those of you who were there YOU ROCK and for those of you that weren't THERE IS NEXT YEAR!!
7.31.2007
Meme questions answered!!
Okay I will take the HONOR of being last!! Here goes!
1. I am secretly a cowgirl, I have the hats, the boots, and I LOVE country music. I have raised horses(in fact I even drove my little baby paint horse in the backseat of my Toyota Tercel from Oakley to Heber to the vet because she was too little to go in the trailer, she was like my dog for a long time, her mother died at birth so I spent every night with her in the barn sleeping), I have barrel raced, dream of being in the rodeo pretty much daily, have a burning desire to live on several acres and have every farm animal imaginable. When I lived in Oakley I had goats, horses, and a pot bellied pig named Harley that lived in my house and slept in my closet, 4 dogs and at least 7 cats on a good day. My how times have changed but this is still where I will end up some day!! MARK MY WORDS!
2. I have lived in two other states besides Utah, I lived on a dude ranch for a summer in Grand Teton Wyoming after moving out of my parents home at the age of 16. I also traveled across the country to live in Portland Maine when I was 20. I went with a "girlfriend" who informed me in approximately Nebraska that she had cheated on me at least 16 times. I just kept driving. This experience was life altering, I learned and grew so much after I "left that girlfriend". This is truly where I came into my own, on my own, it really can be life altering when you spend some MAJOR time alone.
3. I saw K 4 days before I met her on a night out in Salt Lake while I was visiting. I knew that i had to know her. I walked the block for her that night, I was by damned going to talk to her, I never found her. 4 days later she walked into a going away party that was being held for me at the "Paper(lame) Moon" (6 years ago today folks, Happy pre Anniversary, Anniversary, we now celebrate our commitment ceremony date as our anniversary.) It was so overwhelming, I got on a plane the next day and wrote a letter to her. Mind you I had talked to her for about an hour in a large group of people, there was just "something about her"------ Probably, the wet t shirt (no not really but damn she had me whooped) (the wet t shirt was a pre Becky thing)
4. I have extremely bad luck with wildlife, I have hit over 10 deer in my lifetime in my car, I have been chased by a moose (no one ever bothered to tell me they jump fences), petted a moose in the dark thinking it was a horse, had chipmunks mating on my chest in the middle of the night, been approached while on a phone by a porcupine (and I thought it was a dog, till I didn't think it was a dog and then I freaked).
5. I too was adopted and found my Birth mother Debbie in Michigan when I was 16 and spent the summer with her that year. Another life changing experience she and I are very similar but VERY different and we have not had the "best relationship". It was the one thing I needed in life to complete my puzzle. I just needed to understand me a bit better, however she is a major alcoholic and uses many prescription drugs. The best is when I told her I was gay--her response--"I knew I should have had an abortion". Oh some peoples mothers--To this day this experience has made me say thank you to my adoptive parents every single day and I have never looked back since!
6. I am a horrible passenger seat driver, K hates it I have a very hard time and I go into this weird little panic thing if I see brake lights in front of me. Sometimes I think Ky might divorce me over it. I am working on it though, if you want I can demonstrate sometime.
7. I have no cartilage in the end of my nose so you can push it to squish right up against my face. The strangest thing is ---Jack doesn't have any either. Cute he must have got that from me, its my sperm I just know it.
8. Recently, I have started meditating while driving to the "Secret" meditation tape. My favorite is when it tells you that "it is not necessary to stay awake for this meditation" I laugh I stay awake but want to take it all in subconsciously and when I go to sleep I go WAY to sleep. Ky thinks I am too weird! P.S I just read this to Kyla and she informed me that I can't meditate while driving but I will tell you right now I have it down to a science!
1. I am secretly a cowgirl, I have the hats, the boots, and I LOVE country music. I have raised horses(in fact I even drove my little baby paint horse in the backseat of my Toyota Tercel from Oakley to Heber to the vet because she was too little to go in the trailer, she was like my dog for a long time, her mother died at birth so I spent every night with her in the barn sleeping), I have barrel raced, dream of being in the rodeo pretty much daily, have a burning desire to live on several acres and have every farm animal imaginable. When I lived in Oakley I had goats, horses, and a pot bellied pig named Harley that lived in my house and slept in my closet, 4 dogs and at least 7 cats on a good day. My how times have changed but this is still where I will end up some day!! MARK MY WORDS!
2. I have lived in two other states besides Utah, I lived on a dude ranch for a summer in Grand Teton Wyoming after moving out of my parents home at the age of 16. I also traveled across the country to live in Portland Maine when I was 20. I went with a "girlfriend" who informed me in approximately Nebraska that she had cheated on me at least 16 times. I just kept driving. This experience was life altering, I learned and grew so much after I "left that girlfriend". This is truly where I came into my own, on my own, it really can be life altering when you spend some MAJOR time alone.
3. I saw K 4 days before I met her on a night out in Salt Lake while I was visiting. I knew that i had to know her. I walked the block for her that night, I was by damned going to talk to her, I never found her. 4 days later she walked into a going away party that was being held for me at the "Paper(lame) Moon" (6 years ago today folks, Happy pre Anniversary, Anniversary, we now celebrate our commitment ceremony date as our anniversary.) It was so overwhelming, I got on a plane the next day and wrote a letter to her. Mind you I had talked to her for about an hour in a large group of people, there was just "something about her"------ Probably, the wet t shirt (no not really but damn she had me whooped) (the wet t shirt was a pre Becky thing)
4. I have extremely bad luck with wildlife, I have hit over 10 deer in my lifetime in my car, I have been chased by a moose (no one ever bothered to tell me they jump fences), petted a moose in the dark thinking it was a horse, had chipmunks mating on my chest in the middle of the night, been approached while on a phone by a porcupine (and I thought it was a dog, till I didn't think it was a dog and then I freaked).
5. I too was adopted and found my Birth mother Debbie in Michigan when I was 16 and spent the summer with her that year. Another life changing experience she and I are very similar but VERY different and we have not had the "best relationship". It was the one thing I needed in life to complete my puzzle. I just needed to understand me a bit better, however she is a major alcoholic and uses many prescription drugs. The best is when I told her I was gay--her response--"I knew I should have had an abortion". Oh some peoples mothers--To this day this experience has made me say thank you to my adoptive parents every single day and I have never looked back since!
6. I am a horrible passenger seat driver, K hates it I have a very hard time and I go into this weird little panic thing if I see brake lights in front of me. Sometimes I think Ky might divorce me over it. I am working on it though, if you want I can demonstrate sometime.
7. I have no cartilage in the end of my nose so you can push it to squish right up against my face. The strangest thing is ---Jack doesn't have any either. Cute he must have got that from me, its my sperm I just know it.
8. Recently, I have started meditating while driving to the "Secret" meditation tape. My favorite is when it tells you that "it is not necessary to stay awake for this meditation" I laugh I stay awake but want to take it all in subconsciously and when I go to sleep I go WAY to sleep. Ky thinks I am too weird! P.S I just read this to Kyla and she informed me that I can't meditate while driving but I will tell you right now I have it down to a science!
7.20.2007
Incarceration on a daily basis
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take - but by the moments that take our breath away."
So many of you probably don't know this but I spend 5 days a week incarcerated. That drinking and driving and crack smoking has finally caught up with me. No.... not really I actually work in the local jail as a Substance Abuse Treatment Provider. I work in a unit of 64 men or 32 women on a daily basis. I work directly in their housing units, that's right most the time they pee and shower right there in front of me. I think I have the greatest job ever, my friends mostly think I am nuts. I have worked in this field for over 11 years left for about 1.5 years to try something new and couldn't stay away. A definite chain of events today has led me to write this blog. First, I work with a coworker who is intensely cynical and burned out, I had a new intern start today, and I received a call from 2 different people whom had been in my program over 4 years ago and recently one of my "inmates" died....... I couldn't help but think all day today just how lucky and grateful I am to have the gift of work that I do everyday. Not often do we get to "give it away" hope is what I am talking about..... Not often do we get blessed with the job of simply instilling hope in individuals who have lost it. Hope is an amazing thing I watch it fall into souls everyday and as quickly as they find it, it can be lost. Currently, I work with men who have committed crimes as simple as Driving on a suspended license to career criminals and everything in between. They don't all get out of the program and become successful individuals, and that is not what it is about for me.... What life is really about is potential, to see someone who has felt like they could never succeed, endure and entire paradigm shift and have the opportunity to be successful is amazing. To watch self esteem and hope walk up and tap "grown men" on the shoulder is a gift. I mostly wanted to put it out there today that I am so grateful!!
I 2 different phone calls today from two different women that I have worked with in the past 4 years. They both lived a life of severe drug addiction and crime and were able to gain the tools necessary to be successful.... There is nothing like that call the "Hi Becky, this is so and so and I just needed to tell you THANK YOU, I am a new mom, or I am a grandma" I will keep in touch!! That's worth it..... So my coworker is as mentioned earlier the most cynical person I have met I am sure it is based on burnout.. Sad I hate that!!! If I am ever at that point with my job "SOMEBODY MAKE ME STOP"
Well this has been a bit gushy, I don't know I had to say it.... Some aren't so lucky to love their job. I guess if I have to leave my kids everyday for 8 hours it is a good thing I have something that I feel this grateful for!!
6.28.2007
What the hell??
Mingle2 - Online Dating
R my blog was rated R for saying Gay (4X) Death (4X) and Hell (1X). I don't get it, but I am definitely R rated and proud of it. Shit at this rate I am probably XXX rated if thats what it is based on!
6.27.2007
I am woman see me catch toss and dodge snakes then hear me scream oh and then roar!
I only wish that i would have taken pictures but here is the story!!
So it is neighborhood cleanup in our area, a couple of my friends came over on Monday to help me get some things pulled together in the yard. I was drowning in our yard. Let me just preface this with, when we bought this house it was the middle of winter and we had NO idea what was waiting for us under the snow. To our surprise we have the most amazing yard, well I am sure it is amazing if you have approximately 10 hours a day to spend in it, weeding, shaping and trimming. Me and my family we are lucky to have an hour a week to spend and now with K down for the count I was freakin. Anyways, back to the story!!
So on Monday we began cleaning the yard and Mitchy got this bright idea that we were going to not only begin whipping the yard into shape but clean and refill my pond in the front yard. Okay seriously it wasn't really a pond anymore, it was more like a mossy pit with one large goldfish in it. I talk about it and giggle, last year we had 5 goldfish in it and that is when we realized we had the topic of this discussion SNAKES. The snakes were pulling the fish out of the pond and then not able to digest them so I would weed and find my sweet little fish carcases. So, when we cleaned (I don't mean cleaned we drained and wet dry vacuumed the sucker out) we lost some of the little feeder pond fish that had miraculously appeared in there after putting a lily in (this is going to come in another post titled "fish through immaculate conception". ) Today when I came home I looked into my crystal clear pond and noticed this snake at the bottom snapping at the fish every chance he got, he almost got him several times ( my philosophy is that now he could see it). I decided to put in a call for help, I called Mitch and organized a search and rescue task force to get the freakin snakes out. This is where it gets good, so we successfully determine there are 2 snakes that we have to get OUT. We gather supplies to include but not limited to a fish net, bucket, gloves, shovel, pole, and stick. I have no idea exactly how these will come into play but when you are snake hunting you never know.
Let me set the scene: Mitch on one side me on the opposite side of the pond. May I remind you, Mitch is the most not gay looking gay man on the planet. Mitch is armed with the net and there I stand gloved up and ready to go. I am a slightly girlie lesbian who would like to think she wasn't afraid of much. So we begin with shall we call him snake "A" he sees us and hides for a while and eventually he creeps out of the rock I jump for him grab him with the gloved hand and let out my infamous girl scream and lose him. He squirrels himself around and I manage to get my hands on him again, there the scream comes, I think it is my adrenaline releasing so I don't explode at least that's how Mitch explains it. Finally after the third try I get him in my hands and have a grasp that is pretty good on him. But no I don't hold him and I never have I proceed to launch him across the yard like a frisbee (please know it is not animal cruelty) it is a uncontrolled reaction to holding the creepy thing. So Mitch and I dance around like two crazy people and finally he manages to get him in the net, get him in the bag and deliver him to his nice new home in a field about 5 miles away (hopefully he isn't like a cat and has that eerie sense of finding his way home). So then we have Snake "B" after several unsuccessful sightings Mitch decides that he thinks he can convince him to go directly into the net in the water. Surprisingly on about the 3rd try the little bugger swims half way in and an overzealous not so gay looking gay Mitch decides to whip the net out of the water, but instead of the snake going as planned into the net he flings it across the pond directly at me. I try with my all to catch it but as some of you may know I try to be athletic to no avail. so I miss we do alot of dancing and diving and squirming around and finally finally catch him and release him with Snake "A". So the snakes are safe, the fishy is safe and I survived too. Still I think in any other scene you would have seen the guy grabbing the snake, a lot less screaming and dancing, and I would have been giving him 5 when he was done. Instead it was the other way around I am woman hear me scream, catch, toss and dodge snakes and then hear me roar!!!
So it is neighborhood cleanup in our area, a couple of my friends came over on Monday to help me get some things pulled together in the yard. I was drowning in our yard. Let me just preface this with, when we bought this house it was the middle of winter and we had NO idea what was waiting for us under the snow. To our surprise we have the most amazing yard, well I am sure it is amazing if you have approximately 10 hours a day to spend in it, weeding, shaping and trimming. Me and my family we are lucky to have an hour a week to spend and now with K down for the count I was freakin. Anyways, back to the story!!
So on Monday we began cleaning the yard and Mitchy got this bright idea that we were going to not only begin whipping the yard into shape but clean and refill my pond in the front yard. Okay seriously it wasn't really a pond anymore, it was more like a mossy pit with one large goldfish in it. I talk about it and giggle, last year we had 5 goldfish in it and that is when we realized we had the topic of this discussion SNAKES. The snakes were pulling the fish out of the pond and then not able to digest them so I would weed and find my sweet little fish carcases. So, when we cleaned (I don't mean cleaned we drained and wet dry vacuumed the sucker out) we lost some of the little feeder pond fish that had miraculously appeared in there after putting a lily in (this is going to come in another post titled "fish through immaculate conception". ) Today when I came home I looked into my crystal clear pond and noticed this snake at the bottom snapping at the fish every chance he got, he almost got him several times ( my philosophy is that now he could see it). I decided to put in a call for help, I called Mitch and organized a search and rescue task force to get the freakin snakes out. This is where it gets good, so we successfully determine there are 2 snakes that we have to get OUT. We gather supplies to include but not limited to a fish net, bucket, gloves, shovel, pole, and stick. I have no idea exactly how these will come into play but when you are snake hunting you never know.
Let me set the scene: Mitch on one side me on the opposite side of the pond. May I remind you, Mitch is the most not gay looking gay man on the planet. Mitch is armed with the net and there I stand gloved up and ready to go. I am a slightly girlie lesbian who would like to think she wasn't afraid of much. So we begin with shall we call him snake "A" he sees us and hides for a while and eventually he creeps out of the rock I jump for him grab him with the gloved hand and let out my infamous girl scream and lose him. He squirrels himself around and I manage to get my hands on him again, there the scream comes, I think it is my adrenaline releasing so I don't explode at least that's how Mitch explains it. Finally after the third try I get him in my hands and have a grasp that is pretty good on him. But no I don't hold him and I never have I proceed to launch him across the yard like a frisbee (please know it is not animal cruelty) it is a uncontrolled reaction to holding the creepy thing. So Mitch and I dance around like two crazy people and finally he manages to get him in the net, get him in the bag and deliver him to his nice new home in a field about 5 miles away (hopefully he isn't like a cat and has that eerie sense of finding his way home). So then we have Snake "B" after several unsuccessful sightings Mitch decides that he thinks he can convince him to go directly into the net in the water. Surprisingly on about the 3rd try the little bugger swims half way in and an overzealous not so gay looking gay Mitch decides to whip the net out of the water, but instead of the snake going as planned into the net he flings it across the pond directly at me. I try with my all to catch it but as some of you may know I try to be athletic to no avail. so I miss we do alot of dancing and diving and squirming around and finally finally catch him and release him with Snake "A". So the snakes are safe, the fishy is safe and I survived too. Still I think in any other scene you would have seen the guy grabbing the snake, a lot less screaming and dancing, and I would have been giving him 5 when he was done. Instead it was the other way around I am woman hear me scream, catch, toss and dodge snakes and then hear me roar!!!
6.24.2007
The story for the week (not for the weak stomach)
Friday night started off like most Fridays. I rushed home from work, threw the kids things together, ate dinner, let the dogs out, and showed up as usual 15 minutes late for the Arts Festival. K has been doing so well with the surgery, infact astounishingly well, I have been so proud of her and now I am feeling extremly grateful!! We spent sometime at the Festival with some amazing friends. K looked at me nearing the end of the evening and looked tired really tired, she said "honey I am done, I need to go". We packed up the kids and made it home. I thought she is probably dehydrated. She sat down and had 3 small sips of Crystal Light diluted with water. She immediatly began dry heaving and throwing up (not a lot in there to do that too). K went to bed immediatly thinking she was extremly overly exhausted. I checked on her several times over the next few hours and she seemed to be sleeping peacfully. I went to bed around 12:30 am things still seemed okay. ( This is where will insert the part of the story where J had wanted to lay down with her and fell fast asleep, the funny part, he had put on his sisters froofy yellow halter top shirt and refused to take it off, but I didn't want to wake him and figured he can just sleep with us tonight, its the weekend).
1:30 am is when the night change dramatically, I awoke to a bit of a ruckus in the room and Ky falling accross the bed in a panic screaming for help "Help me, I am fainting" I came out of bed like a flash of light turned all of the lights on. She was shaking a lot and hunched over the bed but almost unconcious, I kept saying are you okay, she would say "NO". I immediatly called Mitch who lives just up the road, I think he barely heard what I was saying but knew from the sound of my voice that he needed to be here immediatly. At this point I had gotten her onto the floor by the bed, I was shaking her, smacking her, yelling at her, begging her to talk to me. She became more and more unresponsive, more and more white, and more and more cold. I called 911.
The 911 operator was the best women I have ever spoken too. I can't imagine doing a job where everyone you speak with is completly panicked. "I need help, I have someone here who had Gastric Bypass 2 weeks ago and something is going terribly wrong" I look up at this point and there sits my little boy staring at me, yelling at his mother, yelling in the phone, shaking her and I was crying and VERY panicky" He keeps pointing and saying "Mommy down" I look at him and say "You sit there, please baby sit there" he sits and watches (this is still a bit haunting to me but it is what it is). I am taking directions from the operator put her hand here roll her here elevate her legs and it feels like an eternity, I always wondered if it could feel as long as people say it takes" I am running back and forth unlocking the doors, letting out the dogs. Thankfully at some point in these moments I hear my front door open. It was like a bit of warmth walked through the door at that point. Mitch had not been alone, he had 3 of my other friends over who all showed up like Knights in shining armor. I start handing out tasks to each of them so that i can give a history to the 911 person. Brett takes J out thank god, Jason goes out for the Ambulance and Mitch begins working on Ky, talking squeezing her hands. It was amazing, in the meantime I am begging the operator to get someone there, her breathing is becoming much different she is non responsive, completely, and I begin demanding an ETA, I don't hear sirens, not in the distance not anywhere, and proceed to ask if they were coming from Egypt. I was not nice, but I am sure that is normal and I did manage to apologize several times for being so rude, abrupt and upset.
Finally, they arrive 7 fire fighters, Ky in her underwear and thats right J running around the house in his yellow halter top with bows on it. He looked like Sinead O'Conner. They ask for a history and I gave the rundown. This is my partner of 6 years she had blah blah blah blah. My mouth is so dry from adrenaline at this point it feels like I just at a jar of Peanut Butter. They start working on her checking vitals and she is alive, I have to say I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen when they got here. They check everything she is healthy as a horse, blood pressure is good, pulse is great. K wakes up "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?" she is such a fighter she is ready to sit up. They ask "well we got this call, but you seem fine, do you need to go to the hospital?" K says "No I just need to go to bed" they say "okay well you might consider checking with the doctor, or going to the hospital, but it does not seem to be emergent enough to go by ambulance" REALLY, wait as the story progresses!!
They walk out of the house, probably shocked out there mind, a crazy partner calling in 2 lesbians raising there little boy as Sinead O'Conner. I can only imagine!!
After they leave we talk with K who has managed through her own adrenaline to appear slightly more normal. We ALL insist that she goes to the hospital and at this point my mother has flown down the highway after I made my friend call her. My poor mother who is the most amazing women is going to have a heart attack one day from my family emergencies, K and her health and all the other drama! My mother of course knows K very well and will have it no other way. So me, K, my mom and Brett fly to St. Marks hospital. K seems a bit in and out of it (I still don't know if that is because she was not feeling well or Bretts driving). We get a wheel chair and get her into the ER. Thank God there was no one else in the waiting room. They la di da check us in another patient she needs checked out la di da. IT all goes even more down hill from there. K begins dry heaving pretty heavily and starts passing out in the waiting room. I begin demanding she get a bed RIGHT NOW, the lovely nurse "Oh we don't have a bed, sorry" Then my mother "Well if you don't have a bed what do you want me to do lay her down right here" they got the message triaged her "after practically having to draw a picture for the girl explaining that no she has not had much to eat she can only eat 2 ounces at a time--- NO she did not have her Gall Bladder removed, NO she did not have Gall Bladder problems----GB on the top of her paper for her means GASTRIC BYPASS, you know the surgery where they eliminate your stomach to half the size, no lady I am not starving her JESUS!!
She passes out again in the triage and they STILL don't have a room, she says oh she probably needs a room DUH!!!!!!!! So they prepare a room, Brett is literally holding a passed out person in her chair. She gets to the room FINALLY, gets to the bed and again the nurse begins the whole la di da, he says "what has she eaten" I respond "2 ounces of refried beans at 5 o'clock and she sips at least 64 ounces of water throughout the day." He responds "well she should probably be eating more then that" Then the explanation AGAIN no she had Gastric Bypass, she cannot eat more and NO I am not starving her!"
This is where it gets worse............
K has to go to the bathroom, #2 she hasn't gone in a week, I think oh great maybe this is the whole problem. So my mom and I get her in there she goes, it doesn't seem right and this is wherre I will leave it. When she stands up there is ALOT of blood more blood then I have seen in one place ever, ever, ever. She does not make it back to the room she makes it to Brett and they go down together he held her in a bear hug. IT (the blood just kept happening) EVERYWHERE I mean EVERYWHERE!! I was the most panicked I have EVER been,(well K has scared me on many occasions, she is not good when she is not well, she is really NOT well). Immediatly the nursing team jumps into action, The nurse was amazing he was soooo amazing Luis, I hear her look at him and say Luis help me. They have IV's in her my mom goes in the room with her at this point I am worse for the situation then is good. I know when I can't handle it. My mom has GREAT mom training!! They decide after several hours to admit her. My sweet mother says "she is not leaving her side, I need to go home to the kids and she will be there to take care of her, and call with problems" "Even if I had told my mom to go, she wouldn't so this was a better idea, as really at this point a padded room for me would have been well deserved. I have never felt fear in my life like I felt. The doctor wants to monitor her blood loss over night and see if whatever is bleeding stops. Okay, I know they are doctors but after 2 of those episodes I am sure she has lost more blood then is humanly acceptable. I go home, I can't say I slept much a couple of hours. I was up at seven with a call from my mother, the bleeding was not ceasing and with the bleeding the uncounciousness got worse. She said that even the seven nurses that were in and out of the room were freaking out! I begin making calls, getting my kids cared for throughout the day. I have amazing FRIENDS, FAMILY and SUPPORT! Thank you ALL!! It is nearing 9 now all the troops are in order, and the call that I didn't want comes in. It has happened again, she is losing so much blood they MUST move her to the ICU. This is where my panic becomes reality, I need to have all of my Lawyers paperwork that we had done years ago that Lesbians have to have to be proven a couple, I have to prove to them that I can make medical decisions, visit her, have her kids if something tragic happens. I at this point begin thinking the worse, the sound of my moms calm but panicked voice trying so hard not to freak me out told me this> She was freaked, K was real freaked and I was REALLY FREAKED. I always knew I had a lot to lose but it all hit me at that moment, not because I thought I was going too (I won't say that this didn't cross my mind after what I had seen and heard from her). All of the lawyer paperwork was at her work in her filing cabinet (DUMB PLACE WHEN YOU NEED IT) (LOGICAL PLACE IF YOU ARE ANAL AND ORGANIZED, THATS MY K). I have a friend at work in 10 minutes doing a search and rescue on the Lawyer stuff. I decide it is a REALLY good time to take a ZANAX as my panic attack is not going to help anything. I get to the hospital meet with the Chaplain to hand over paperwork from the lawyer ( I must say this was not a skit I had practiced too many times in my life, not at this age, or this time and hopefully not ever again)
Anyways when I get to the hospital she has been rushed into Endoscopy, I guess after the doctor happened to be in on the last bleeding episode he realized this was in fact more urgent then he could imagine. He reports that he has found a tear and is working to repair it. They check the rest of her out. I don't know how a tear leaks that much but My God, they fixed it. She gets out of the lab, and begins blood transfusions she lost 1/3 of the blood in her body!! She looked the worst I have ever seen her!!
I can only visit her for a half hour every other hour, my friends kept me busy in the other moments. She is not only getting blood transfusions but also Plasma. On my third visit in to see her her nurse says oh dear she had a terrible allergic reaction to the antibodies in the plasma and she is all swelled up. OH MY GOD I walked in the room and she looks over and she cant even open her eyes, can it get any worse (the answer is yes) the thought is no! We BARELY get the ring (the one she blogged about finally being able to wear) off her finger before it became a part of her hand her lips were so swollen they would reach Texas and she has a rash on her body like a road map with cities, states, and counties! She has had 2 doses of Benadryl and is now so anxious and agitated she looks like a drug addict coming off a big high. It was so awful for her.
K is doing better today, I have seen her 3 times and each time she looks more and more alive. She is ready to come home, just like that huh, you cheat death, get a bit of blood and there you go alive and kicking again!! She came back out of the ICU this afternoon. She had a visit from friends and me and the kids. Her spirits are good, really good, again I tell you she is an outstanding person.
As for me, I spent the day feeling incredibly blessed, blessed that the love of my life is okay, that she is such a fighter, blessed that I have 2 of the most amazing children in the world, blessed that I have the most incredible, and amazing mother in the world, and blessed that I have a support system and friendships that some are not as lucky to have, from the friends that I have had for over ten years L, J, B, M, J, K, H, P,and C (you know who you are). You have guided me through this world a very long time and to a particular two couples S and M and K and J who have not been in our lives for long but feel like they have been around for years. I thank god for you all everyday!! I love you and thank you a million times!! I couldn't do it without you!
As for you K, I love you, more then life, quit scaring me, I need you around a long time. You continue to amaze me!!!
I will keep you all updated...... I am even more sure that K will have plenty to share about her own experience, even though she was the mostly unconscious one, thought I would get my part in first since she doesn't remember most of it!
1:30 am is when the night change dramatically, I awoke to a bit of a ruckus in the room and Ky falling accross the bed in a panic screaming for help "Help me, I am fainting" I came out of bed like a flash of light turned all of the lights on. She was shaking a lot and hunched over the bed but almost unconcious, I kept saying are you okay, she would say "NO". I immediatly called Mitch who lives just up the road, I think he barely heard what I was saying but knew from the sound of my voice that he needed to be here immediatly. At this point I had gotten her onto the floor by the bed, I was shaking her, smacking her, yelling at her, begging her to talk to me. She became more and more unresponsive, more and more white, and more and more cold. I called 911.
The 911 operator was the best women I have ever spoken too. I can't imagine doing a job where everyone you speak with is completly panicked. "I need help, I have someone here who had Gastric Bypass 2 weeks ago and something is going terribly wrong" I look up at this point and there sits my little boy staring at me, yelling at his mother, yelling in the phone, shaking her and I was crying and VERY panicky" He keeps pointing and saying "Mommy down" I look at him and say "You sit there, please baby sit there" he sits and watches (this is still a bit haunting to me but it is what it is). I am taking directions from the operator put her hand here roll her here elevate her legs and it feels like an eternity, I always wondered if it could feel as long as people say it takes" I am running back and forth unlocking the doors, letting out the dogs. Thankfully at some point in these moments I hear my front door open. It was like a bit of warmth walked through the door at that point. Mitch had not been alone, he had 3 of my other friends over who all showed up like Knights in shining armor. I start handing out tasks to each of them so that i can give a history to the 911 person. Brett takes J out thank god, Jason goes out for the Ambulance and Mitch begins working on Ky, talking squeezing her hands. It was amazing, in the meantime I am begging the operator to get someone there, her breathing is becoming much different she is non responsive, completely, and I begin demanding an ETA, I don't hear sirens, not in the distance not anywhere, and proceed to ask if they were coming from Egypt. I was not nice, but I am sure that is normal and I did manage to apologize several times for being so rude, abrupt and upset.
Finally, they arrive 7 fire fighters, Ky in her underwear and thats right J running around the house in his yellow halter top with bows on it. He looked like Sinead O'Conner. They ask for a history and I gave the rundown. This is my partner of 6 years she had blah blah blah blah. My mouth is so dry from adrenaline at this point it feels like I just at a jar of Peanut Butter. They start working on her checking vitals and she is alive, I have to say I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen when they got here. They check everything she is healthy as a horse, blood pressure is good, pulse is great. K wakes up "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?" she is such a fighter she is ready to sit up. They ask "well we got this call, but you seem fine, do you need to go to the hospital?" K says "No I just need to go to bed" they say "okay well you might consider checking with the doctor, or going to the hospital, but it does not seem to be emergent enough to go by ambulance" REALLY, wait as the story progresses!!
They walk out of the house, probably shocked out there mind, a crazy partner calling in 2 lesbians raising there little boy as Sinead O'Conner. I can only imagine!!
After they leave we talk with K who has managed through her own adrenaline to appear slightly more normal. We ALL insist that she goes to the hospital and at this point my mother has flown down the highway after I made my friend call her. My poor mother who is the most amazing women is going to have a heart attack one day from my family emergencies, K and her health and all the other drama! My mother of course knows K very well and will have it no other way. So me, K, my mom and Brett fly to St. Marks hospital. K seems a bit in and out of it (I still don't know if that is because she was not feeling well or Bretts driving). We get a wheel chair and get her into the ER. Thank God there was no one else in the waiting room. They la di da check us in another patient she needs checked out la di da. IT all goes even more down hill from there. K begins dry heaving pretty heavily and starts passing out in the waiting room. I begin demanding she get a bed RIGHT NOW, the lovely nurse "Oh we don't have a bed, sorry" Then my mother "Well if you don't have a bed what do you want me to do lay her down right here" they got the message triaged her "after practically having to draw a picture for the girl explaining that no she has not had much to eat she can only eat 2 ounces at a time--- NO she did not have her Gall Bladder removed, NO she did not have Gall Bladder problems----GB on the top of her paper for her means GASTRIC BYPASS, you know the surgery where they eliminate your stomach to half the size, no lady I am not starving her JESUS!!
She passes out again in the triage and they STILL don't have a room, she says oh she probably needs a room DUH!!!!!!!! So they prepare a room, Brett is literally holding a passed out person in her chair. She gets to the room FINALLY, gets to the bed and again the nurse begins the whole la di da, he says "what has she eaten" I respond "2 ounces of refried beans at 5 o'clock and she sips at least 64 ounces of water throughout the day." He responds "well she should probably be eating more then that" Then the explanation AGAIN no she had Gastric Bypass, she cannot eat more and NO I am not starving her!"
This is where it gets worse............
K has to go to the bathroom, #2 she hasn't gone in a week, I think oh great maybe this is the whole problem. So my mom and I get her in there she goes, it doesn't seem right and this is wherre I will leave it. When she stands up there is ALOT of blood more blood then I have seen in one place ever, ever, ever. She does not make it back to the room she makes it to Brett and they go down together he held her in a bear hug. IT (the blood just kept happening) EVERYWHERE I mean EVERYWHERE!! I was the most panicked I have EVER been,(well K has scared me on many occasions, she is not good when she is not well, she is really NOT well). Immediatly the nursing team jumps into action, The nurse was amazing he was soooo amazing Luis, I hear her look at him and say Luis help me. They have IV's in her my mom goes in the room with her at this point I am worse for the situation then is good. I know when I can't handle it. My mom has GREAT mom training!! They decide after several hours to admit her. My sweet mother says "she is not leaving her side, I need to go home to the kids and she will be there to take care of her, and call with problems" "Even if I had told my mom to go, she wouldn't so this was a better idea, as really at this point a padded room for me would have been well deserved. I have never felt fear in my life like I felt. The doctor wants to monitor her blood loss over night and see if whatever is bleeding stops. Okay, I know they are doctors but after 2 of those episodes I am sure she has lost more blood then is humanly acceptable. I go home, I can't say I slept much a couple of hours. I was up at seven with a call from my mother, the bleeding was not ceasing and with the bleeding the uncounciousness got worse. She said that even the seven nurses that were in and out of the room were freaking out! I begin making calls, getting my kids cared for throughout the day. I have amazing FRIENDS, FAMILY and SUPPORT! Thank you ALL!! It is nearing 9 now all the troops are in order, and the call that I didn't want comes in. It has happened again, she is losing so much blood they MUST move her to the ICU. This is where my panic becomes reality, I need to have all of my Lawyers paperwork that we had done years ago that Lesbians have to have to be proven a couple, I have to prove to them that I can make medical decisions, visit her, have her kids if something tragic happens. I at this point begin thinking the worse, the sound of my moms calm but panicked voice trying so hard not to freak me out told me this> She was freaked, K was real freaked and I was REALLY FREAKED. I always knew I had a lot to lose but it all hit me at that moment, not because I thought I was going too (I won't say that this didn't cross my mind after what I had seen and heard from her). All of the lawyer paperwork was at her work in her filing cabinet (DUMB PLACE WHEN YOU NEED IT) (LOGICAL PLACE IF YOU ARE ANAL AND ORGANIZED, THATS MY K). I have a friend at work in 10 minutes doing a search and rescue on the Lawyer stuff. I decide it is a REALLY good time to take a ZANAX as my panic attack is not going to help anything. I get to the hospital meet with the Chaplain to hand over paperwork from the lawyer ( I must say this was not a skit I had practiced too many times in my life, not at this age, or this time and hopefully not ever again)
Anyways when I get to the hospital she has been rushed into Endoscopy, I guess after the doctor happened to be in on the last bleeding episode he realized this was in fact more urgent then he could imagine. He reports that he has found a tear and is working to repair it. They check the rest of her out. I don't know how a tear leaks that much but My God, they fixed it. She gets out of the lab, and begins blood transfusions she lost 1/3 of the blood in her body!! She looked the worst I have ever seen her!!
I can only visit her for a half hour every other hour, my friends kept me busy in the other moments. She is not only getting blood transfusions but also Plasma. On my third visit in to see her her nurse says oh dear she had a terrible allergic reaction to the antibodies in the plasma and she is all swelled up. OH MY GOD I walked in the room and she looks over and she cant even open her eyes, can it get any worse (the answer is yes) the thought is no! We BARELY get the ring (the one she blogged about finally being able to wear) off her finger before it became a part of her hand her lips were so swollen they would reach Texas and she has a rash on her body like a road map with cities, states, and counties! She has had 2 doses of Benadryl and is now so anxious and agitated she looks like a drug addict coming off a big high. It was so awful for her.
K is doing better today, I have seen her 3 times and each time she looks more and more alive. She is ready to come home, just like that huh, you cheat death, get a bit of blood and there you go alive and kicking again!! She came back out of the ICU this afternoon. She had a visit from friends and me and the kids. Her spirits are good, really good, again I tell you she is an outstanding person.
As for me, I spent the day feeling incredibly blessed, blessed that the love of my life is okay, that she is such a fighter, blessed that I have 2 of the most amazing children in the world, blessed that I have the most incredible, and amazing mother in the world, and blessed that I have a support system and friendships that some are not as lucky to have, from the friends that I have had for over ten years L, J, B, M, J, K, H, P,and C (you know who you are). You have guided me through this world a very long time and to a particular two couples S and M and K and J who have not been in our lives for long but feel like they have been around for years. I thank god for you all everyday!! I love you and thank you a million times!! I couldn't do it without you!
As for you K, I love you, more then life, quit scaring me, I need you around a long time. You continue to amaze me!!!
I will keep you all updated...... I am even more sure that K will have plenty to share about her own experience, even though she was the mostly unconscious one, thought I would get my part in first since she doesn't remember most of it!
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