Life and the pursuit of happiness at 29?

I did it, I spent my first birthday in 7 years without my family, it wasn't easy for me, I had many sad moments. I unfortunately did not get to spend the weekend with my kids. I felt abnormal and strange at first but I did it. I actually packed up the trailer and spent the weekend camping and boating for my 29Th birthday.

So let me tell you all about it. Our family was originally invited to spend the 4th holiday for my birthday camping at Pineview Reservoir... Well since that didn't work out so well, I had the pleasure of spending my time with some amazing friends. Many friends came and joined me throughout the weekend, we boated, tubed, I attempted wakeboarding and was up for a second (a very brief second) the weather was not conducive to my amateur adventure of it though. The greatest surprise of the whole weekend however was on Saturday night after being joined by about 20 people at the campsite I came up after a long day on the boat to a completely decorated campsite and a HUGE Mexican Fiesta........ Complete with an incredible dinner sombrero, pinata, and lots of fun prizes. It was a blast. It put a huge smile on my face, I had a few moments of feeling pretty lonely on my birthday, it was odd and awkward not to have the people I care most about in my life there to celebrate with me. In life though you have to make the best of situations crappy or not. I wanted to send out a public thank you to all of you who took the time to think of me on my special day!!

Although I struggle I am finding some incredible solice in my independence. I have had the great reminder that I really can do this life on my own and I have it in me to be successful in trials. I also wanted to send out a thanks to all of you who emailed, text and called to wish me happy birthday!!!

Anyways, here's to my independence for today, and goodbye to fear this life is mine and only mine to conquer and take on...I will add some pictures soon!

P.S I would like to clarify a couple of things to ensure that I don't give any false "story" to all of this. Kyla spent the weekends with the kids. She was gracious enough to swap me weekends and I would never want any one to think that she was keeping them from me so if it sounded that way forgive me. I missed them all IMMENSLY camping was not the same without K thats for sure !

You say it best....... When you say nothing at all

It has been a while since blogging for me. Things have been a bit crazy as some of you know. I decided to put myself out there again, I am still alive. There really is not a lot for me to say right now, the world has been spinning out of control for me for the last couple of months. For now that is all I can really put out there. I cannot paint a picture for you of bliss, peace, or tranquility because that is not where I am at. I am allowing myself the space and time to experiance the greiving process, as I go through the motions of pulling my life together after losing the family that I never thought I would lose. The story doesn't matter and all I can say in all of this is that we all have our own truth, our own experiance, and our own perception.

Thanks to all of you for your mutual support for both K and I.
Thats all for now!

Wow I am a loser!!

I have not blogged in more then ages. I can't believe it. Here's the deal school is absolutely downright kicking my butt!! I will have been in 2 math courses for a total of 11 weeks. Math has ALWAYS held me back from getting through college. I would take a math course and quit and then I would be totally discouraged about school. I REFUSE to do that this time, I am doing it but it is taking its toll. I am not math smart, I did not pay attention in highschool and my real life really has little to do with math. Tell me to solve a life problem, handle a crisis, or help someone and I am on it. Give me a math problem I go blank there are too many steps. I have never put quite so much time and committment into anything. My family has gone without me and is facing another 5 weeks of it. In addition I have been writing a very large proposal for my job which should be winding down and submitted this week. I know most of you keep up on the other parts of my life on K's blog so I will probably be out for a while longer while I purge every brain cell I have to get through it.

Thanks etc.

You know it is a good reminder in life that there are just good people out there. People who think of others before themselves! In reading several of those on my blog roll I am reminded of this. Tonight I was reminded of this when some friends called to ask if they could come over and try to get a household issue resolved before Ky got home so that she could be excited and surprised. How nice, how nice that I have had so much love and support while Ky has been gone. Thanks to you all and big hugs.

To all my friends that are dealing with tremendous amounts of CRAP on their own..... We are thinking of you! If there is anything we can do... You know the drill!

On a different note, I spent the morning at the pediatric dentist today....... Jack chipped his damn tooth in the bathtub. Why me, why can't Ky be here when this happens. Now she has to come home to a baby boy with a crooked tooth, I am trying to convince her that this is the first of MANY bumps bruises and bings in this rambunctious childs life.

Amazing

As I looked around the Capital tonight.... Minus the stress ridden faces from the HORRIFIC drive, I smile inside BIG TIME. What a beautiful and amazing sight to see everyone at the Rally for HB318. It is late, I am tired but I wanted to say a big THANKS to everyone who has been working so hard, it means so much to me. A special shout out to all the Blogger Moms and families and especially Keri you are a truly amazing woman!! I hope everyone made it home safely!!

I forgot... I have to share the news with my closest blogging buds!

So in all of the craziness I had been wanting to post but keep forgetting. I mentioned in an earlier post about the time that Ky had left me for Hawaii and my Pops passed, that i had to take a National Licensing exam for my Licensed Substance Abuse Counseling License. So you take a test in a room of about 100 people and then walk out having to wait for 6 weeks for the results. It is a bit nerve wracking.... Well I waited and waited and had still not received my letter so I was getting a bit disappointed, the night before we left for San Diego I was checking my home phone messages and there was a big Congrats message from our local Association of Substance Abuse Professionals telling me that I had passed my licensing exam with flying colors. Ky was dead asleep I start screaming and whooping she flies out of bed thinking there was another minor emergency maybe nuclear warfare. After I calmed her and told her the news and made her listen to the message things were better.. The next morning I couldn't really remember if it was a dream or reality, sure enough it was a dream I called and found out that I had passed with a very high score. I am thrilled, I finally get to have some fancy letters after my name after 12 years in the field and over 20,000 hours I have accomplished something. I am thrilled it is another step in the right direction now if I just keep plugging with school and onto my masters degree I can actually "be somebody" (JK).


Last night I went to Michael Franti at the Depot a friend had bought us tickets Ky was not feeling great so I went with a couple of people. It was a blast I really liked him, interesting crowd for sure, nice venue, new kind of music for me and a really great time!!

Another cute tidbit, we had our picture taken for the Pride Center exhibit on Families for winter pride this morning... The women was asking Jack about his favorite superhero, Jack says: Well my Jonny is (cute thats my Cute Marine Corps Bro) I about died because he is a superhero but for Jack to comprehend that is remarkable! Also if ANY of you cute families are interested in being a part of the exhibit it is a free professional family picture and an incredible way to show our pride, goes along nicely with our Legislative Bill work we are doing.. Email me for info it has to be done realatively soon so get on it.

YIPPEEE

YAY they called today and found 3 more vials today so we have purchased EVERYTHING they have in the place!! So 6 tries!! FINGERS CROSSED and everything else! Thanks ALL!

WOW!! Exciting news!

So...... We have been talking about starting to try to get pregnant and this next few months will tell alot!! First we were looking for a donor and we were both devastated that we were not able to use Jacks donor, well the good news of the month is not only did we find out that there were 4 vials left at the U but that we could purchase them and use them because we had a successful pregnancy as long as we are being seen by a doc at the U!! So I have an appt, the vials were purchased today but sadley we found out there were only three left unless they find some missing ones tomorrow. They are being stored!! Now, I just have to get pregnant in preferably less then that many tries. That is the part that is so concerning. I know how much many of you have been through and then I see Ky who was prego two out of three tries. She and I were discussing it today and as all do are just going to will it to happen right!!! I know it is easy to be there when you haven't been there before and many of you probably have an eye roll or two but I refuse to be anywhere different then that for now!! I am so damn excited but it is a bit scary too!!!

So I guess the journey begins!!! :)

How did I get so damn lucky??

So it has been brought to my attention more often then not recently that Ky is good at everything she does. It is so true, I have realized it most myself in the last few weeks.........

Over the past 8 months I have witnessed the most amazing thing.... I have watched a woman emerge from a shell and with the drop of all of her weight I have watched the woman I fell in love with coming back pound by pound inch by inch. Now let me clarify, for me it has absolutely nothing to do with her weight or the way she looks, but with each and every pound that comes of Kyla exudes an extraordinary amount of confidence, drive, motivation, inspiration, and success. I have butterflies again everyday because it is amazing to watch someone you love go through such an enormous change. Everyday I love her more and I didn't even know that was possible but it is. So, several people have said to me recently- Is Ky just good at everything she does, does she always excel, is she always a ten? Let me tell you she is especially now things just seem to have come together physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually!!! Most recently let me name a few of my amazement's

Yesterday we went skiing-KYLA was AMAZING at it, I felt like I was watching a pro!!
KYLA ROCKS at the DRUMS on ROCK*(*BAND playing it the first time oh ya and G)()*UITAR HEROS and on the WII she gets almost perfect 10s in the WII olympics
KYLA informed me tonight that on her own accord she registered and has begun training for her first half marathon in APRIL
KYLA is an incredible mother, lover, wife, friend, listener, partner, cook, maid, etc etc etc etc
KYLA gives 199% to every single thing she does
She continuously supports me and my family no matter what the cost
She received her bachelors degree this winter
She excels in her work
She recently put together a photo DVD for my grandfathers funeral that was so touching, beautiful, well done, and professional with over 40 hours put in and then handed it out to my entire family for Christmas with personalized picture labels of him on the front and wrapped in gorgeous wrapping paper with a 21 gun salute bullet on the front of each gift!

Oh and SHE IS ONE HOT MAMA!!

I mostly wanted to take a moment and pay tribute to an astonishing person!! Someone who has taught me resiliance, consistency, and love!!

I love you BABY more than life, thanks for being mine, thanks for teaching me about that fire deep inside to accomplish things and about keeping it lit. I consider myself forever blessed!!

Ice skating in Salt Lake City.......In the Car!!

So.... For those of you not in Utah we got a pretty incredible storm today and I was lucky enough to be out driving in it. First driving down I15 A Honda Accord flew past me just in time to lose complete control of their car and went into complete tailspin, back and forth across the freeway, I have no idea how they did not hit a side wall I pretty much stopped on the freeway because I had no idea how it was going to play out. The next thing I know he begins spinning full 360 degree spins facing oncoming traffic then around and around. Eventually he ended up headed the right way, I still have no idea how but we all survived that.

The best part of the story is this.... about two months ago I backed into my tenants car. Put a pretty good scratch on my bumper and scraped by a near divorce, since it is the third car I have dinged or backed into in the last three years. I swear the damn van has blindspots that I can never see out of. A normal person would remember that, me I seem to forget pretty regularly. Well..... I have been hoping for a new bumper and kept thinking soon enough someone as unfortunate as I would rear-end me. Well today it happened I was driving down 1300 south with my cute son in the car and as I came to the stop sign I knew it was very very slippery I had a hard time stopping. No sooner did I look up in my rear view mirror and the car behind me is experiancing the same thing. I tried to put the gas on and get out of the way but the tires would not catch and BAMM right into the back of me. I think he may have been going a bit to fast for the conditions, the scariest part was the fact that I looked into his car and he had two young like 5 year old girls in the car in the front seat thats right two kids in the front seat. I am just grateful that his airbag didn't go off they would have been hurt. Second bad thing is he stated I am a doctor at Pri999mary Chi@*@*@rens Hosp&#&#tal. I think to myself holy moley he has to know what could have happened to his girls. Needless to say everyone was fine, I have a bit of a headache I think from tensing up so much because I saw it coming.... Even better I will be getting a new bumper and rear hatch. I mean it is crappy that anyone had to get into an accident and it could have as easily been me.. I think when I called Ky and said I have been into an accident she had flashbacks of my inappropriate backing into things but her first question was are you okay?

We are really excited we are going skiing tomorrow, it should be really fun we are heading up with some friends. I don't ski, I have skiied once in my life and spent the majority of that time on my butt. Now that we are in better shape we are anxious to get out more and be more active. So here goes nothing!!!! We will report back soon, we will post pictures soon!