So I would like to preface this post by saying a couple of things..... Throughout the entire demise of my marriage, I have worked diligently to shield and protect my children from any of my own pain, tears or sadness. So this is not a regular occurrence by any means, but I have also decided following the events that it is perfectly acceptable for them to understand that I too am human.
Tonight was one of those nights, K sent some stuff home with the kids that had been at the house and as I was going through it I shed some tears..... The pain and loss of a 7 year relationship is still extremely painful at times.... But more then anything it happens when the memories of things creep up! K returned a few of my bags that had remained at the house and in them were hidden treasures of years gone by. The purses I had thrown in the closet after they had become old and tired held memories of the love and joy that carried us through some of our toughest times.... I had put the kids to bed and sat to reminisce for a moment and I cried, not sobbed just those big welling dropping tears that run your mascara and leave water marks on your clothes.
I looked over to see my beautiful princess A standing looking at me wringing her little hands quietly watching me. Immediately I tried to look away, hide my face and dry my eyes. She ever so somberly walked over to me and looked at me in the eyes, it was a deeper look then that of a four year old. She grabbed my face and said "Oh mommy what is making you sad, what is the matter." I responded with nothing is wrong nothing is the matter. A says as matter of factly as I have ever heard as she rested her hands on my cheeks. "No mom you are sad and you have two tears" she gently wiped them from my eyes and leaned in to hug me. I figured at this moment it was important for her to know that even mommies have sadness... We talked about it a little and I just let her know that sometimes in our life we have things that make us sad, we miss things, people, places. A looked to me again and said (and I am not even kidding you) her hands wrapped in mine "Oh, so mom sometimes you are sad because you miss coming home with us and Mommy K". She is my angel, she is my strength, and at that moment I just held her and told her "yes honey sometimes it is hard when we don't have what we thought we would" But reminded her that we have an amazing family, and an amazing home and that we are all lucky to have each other, lucky that Mommy K and Mommy B still love each other and most lucky that we have two of the most amazing children on the planet. A then says "well mommy its all gonna be okay." I thanked her for being so wonderful and sweet and caring. She disappeared for a bit and I heard her rummaging through her room a little....... She returned with pure innocence and love with a bow that was smashed completely, but might be the most BEAUTIFUL bow I have ever seen and says "Mommy, this is all I have, but will it make you happy?"
Can I just say children are unbelievable... I am so lucky to have been blessed with the beauty of my children. That bow will never leave, it is a symbol of the purest and most true compassion I have ever experienced.
Mostly, I wanted to share this story with all of you not because I wanted to share my sadness... I usually hide that pretty well... Mostly I wanted share with you the innocence of the abounding love of children. I also wanted to take a moment to note such a beautiful story, provided by such a beautiful daughter.
Tonight was one of those nights, K sent some stuff home with the kids that had been at the house and as I was going through it I shed some tears..... The pain and loss of a 7 year relationship is still extremely painful at times.... But more then anything it happens when the memories of things creep up! K returned a few of my bags that had remained at the house and in them were hidden treasures of years gone by. The purses I had thrown in the closet after they had become old and tired held memories of the love and joy that carried us through some of our toughest times.... I had put the kids to bed and sat to reminisce for a moment and I cried, not sobbed just those big welling dropping tears that run your mascara and leave water marks on your clothes.
I looked over to see my beautiful princess A standing looking at me wringing her little hands quietly watching me. Immediately I tried to look away, hide my face and dry my eyes. She ever so somberly walked over to me and looked at me in the eyes, it was a deeper look then that of a four year old. She grabbed my face and said "Oh mommy what is making you sad, what is the matter." I responded with nothing is wrong nothing is the matter. A says as matter of factly as I have ever heard as she rested her hands on my cheeks. "No mom you are sad and you have two tears" she gently wiped them from my eyes and leaned in to hug me. I figured at this moment it was important for her to know that even mommies have sadness... We talked about it a little and I just let her know that sometimes in our life we have things that make us sad, we miss things, people, places. A looked to me again and said (and I am not even kidding you) her hands wrapped in mine "Oh, so mom sometimes you are sad because you miss coming home with us and Mommy K". She is my angel, she is my strength, and at that moment I just held her and told her "yes honey sometimes it is hard when we don't have what we thought we would" But reminded her that we have an amazing family, and an amazing home and that we are all lucky to have each other, lucky that Mommy K and Mommy B still love each other and most lucky that we have two of the most amazing children on the planet. A then says "well mommy its all gonna be okay." I thanked her for being so wonderful and sweet and caring. She disappeared for a bit and I heard her rummaging through her room a little....... She returned with pure innocence and love with a bow that was smashed completely, but might be the most BEAUTIFUL bow I have ever seen and says "Mommy, this is all I have, but will it make you happy?"
Can I just say children are unbelievable... I am so lucky to have been blessed with the beauty of my children. That bow will never leave, it is a symbol of the purest and most true compassion I have ever experienced.
Mostly, I wanted to share this story with all of you not because I wanted to share my sadness... I usually hide that pretty well... Mostly I wanted share with you the innocence of the abounding love of children. I also wanted to take a moment to note such a beautiful story, provided by such a beautiful daughter.
8 comments:
What a sweet sweet story about THE most thoughtful little girl.
Proof that the two of you are doing something right :)
Great story and I thank you for sharing it. Children sure know how to make you feel better. She is a beautiful little girl.
It's the moments like the one you had with A that make me realize not only how our little ones are impacted, but how they are also such a souce of strength to us. They love because they have been taught how to love - and depite the challenges and the heart break, if there was one thing we did right it was protect our children.
great, thanks, tears flowing here at work. What an amazing child. But then again, you know that! I am glad she was there for you at that moment, her sweet gift of hope will be yours to treasure for a lifetime. Thanks for sharing the story. Big hugs to you, and the kids! :) Love you friend.
Oh man Beck! That is so sweet! It is good to talk with our kids and not hide our emotions, It teaches them understanding and symphathy! Have a good one and we miss you!
what a sweet, sweet story.
OK - she is a sweety, and you are so very lucky! I, too, had to wipe away a couple of tears.
How wonderful... I even had to wipe a tear at work reading it! Maybe I relate just a little too much. And huge kudos to you for protecting those sweet kids and allowing them to continue to love you both without any of the adult hang ups.
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