5.07.2007

Gadunkadung


(The picture to the left is from December in my loveliest of my gadunkadung) (The beautiful girl next to me is our incredible niece, "A's" oldest sister)
The gadunkadung is the best way I can think of to refer to my "FAT" so that is what I will call it.
I guess I will start from the top, I have never been overly thin as a child I was never a size that I can ever remember being proud of (Although now I may cut off a needed limb to be any of those sizes again). Weight (the gadunkadung) has been a pretty constant struggle for my my entire life. So I mentioned in my last blog the "weight loss journey of a century" its true. I have done it before, this may not be the last ( I am hopeful though)! I have starved myself, binged, purged, taken laxatives, eaten cabbage soup, Hollywood diet, liquid diet, Atkins diet, 6 week body makeover, cleanses, Weight Watchers, exercised myself to the death. For what, well here I sit doing about the same thing again.

My current journey started back in the end of February. In the course of one week I went to a dermatologist for a rash on my face. He said "well you either have rosacea or lupus" hmm curious I left the office slightly freaked out and began research on lupus. The symptoms listed matched every thing I had been feeling recently unfortunately, they also matched every symptom of obesity. Arggg I decided I wasn't going to even start thinking about that until I did something about my weight. I then had a come to Jesus with my doc and was told that my blood pressure was high enough to cause some major problems up to and including death(I am sure my blood pressure could also be attributed to the events currently taking place within my family, to be discussed in a later blog) I began seeing a nutritionist and a doctor to help me start to figure things out. Weekly I also get what I lovingly refer to as the "Shot of God"(Vitamin B shots) we will talk more about those later. I tell you it has been unbelievable what I have learned about my body, and even bigger than that the way that I think.

My first appointment was in the beginning of March and I have been on a steady road since then. So.. every Monday I get to weigh in, I sometimes feel like I am lining up for a cattle drive weight, then the poking and the prodding. At any given moment there are 20 other ladies in the office doing the same thing, probably thinking similarly to me. As I have said this has not been instant my body likes the loving layer of FAT that I have so willingly offered it for so many years and it will not let go of the weight!! I in most areas of my life have a love for instant gratification, this my dear is far from instant. This week for example .5 lbs that right I did not say 5 lbs I said .5. That is after working out3-5 times a week, eating right (for the most part with the exception of a freakin brownie with goo), god shots, digestive enzymes, thyroid medicine, etc etc etc. I looked at the scale today and thought how in the HELL does someone work this hard for that. Patience my darling patience.

So that's the basics, my friends have heard it a million times, and this will not be the last blog about it I am sure. Its been incredible so far, I feel better then I have EVER felt before (I like to attribute that to the shots of god)
Mostly a quick thanks to "K" for her support through this journey. She spends a bit of time being a single mom while I am exercising and dealing with my gadunkadung! Thanks Baby!

5.06.2007

It is hard to decide where to begin.....



"K" has been posting for a bit on her blog. I have been intrigued by this process and decided today that it was time I started sharing my life somewhere. I have never done well at writing in a journal. "K" asked me what I planned to share on my blog and I said everything and that is where Kaleidoscope comes from. My life is a Kaleidoscope, the colors, view, perspectives, and angles change on a daily basis.

A brief synopsis of my as follows: I am a 27 year old Lesbian "non biological" mother to 2 soon to be 3 beautiful children. I work in a correctional facility with criminal substance abuser, I am currently on the weight-loss journey of the century, and am preparing to go back to school.

When I look over the 3 line synopsis of me, I begin to see the Kaleidoscope that I have to share. I struggle with wanting to talk about it all at once say it all in a post. I realize now that is not possible and it is going to take a very long time to discuss this many layers of me. I will begin sharing after I rest my head a while, and sort things out a bit. For now one giant leap, the blogging has begun.....